Dear Me

Jane in Orem

2011-04-18T15:16:00.001-07:00

dear jane,

hey kiddo. {dad always called me kiddo. and i'm fond of the term.} it's me, just a ways down the road. a little older, a few more wrinkles, and a heck of a lot wiser. since twenty-five years ago, the great www. has been invented and has connected you to the most inspiring, beautiful world. you currently dwell in such a pond of happiness, that your mind just oozes with gratitude. besides that, you're well-traveled and your perspective on life has matured. you are the core of a beautiful family, a family that you spent your entire childhood dreaming of. but, before you reach these moments... there are a few things we need to re-visit...
the most important thing i want emphasize to my younger self-
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!
~Shakespeare

and then, a few other things - i'll use a list, because, i love making lists.
1} do not perm your hair. do not perm your hair every three months for about six years.
2} do not wear make-up in fifth grade, wait till later. {i don't know why your mother allows you to do these things. i'm still baffled by this.}
3} do not start tanning in tanning beds when you're like 12! down the road, you will do so much traveling to exotic places, a tan will be a bonus. you do not need to look tan for boys to like you, now. or, to be noticed. you can be white & beautiful.
4} do not spend so much time, thinking about boys. or doing things to get noticed by boys. better yourself - nurture your love of the arts so you can fill your time with quality talents, enjoy the passion that you have for creating. against your own thoughts, your dad will support you in being artistic... you don't have to study business, math, etc. to please him. your bond with your dad is fiercely strong but quiet, allow it to be what you need. fill your time with these things, instead of boys. you do not need a boyfriend to feel secure. don't fall in love, live your life a little first, you don't need boys so young - not at 12, 14, 16.
mark twain said,
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

... as a young adult, you will join forces with the most amazing man, he dotes on you endlessly and loves you for all you are. you are a powerful team, he's truly god-sent. and you will explore, discover. it will be unreal - so, don't use your teenage years looking for love.
5} do keep dreaming. your entire childhood you are aware of your desires to dream, and this little seed in your soul that feels like you can conquer the world - nourish it - you were born a confident, positive force. noticing good before bad is just normal to you... you won't realize this till you're about sixteen. at this point, when you start to share your dreams out loud, your mom may start to shut you down. she's not a dreamer. she's very practical, and lacks the kind of confidence you have. this can only mean one thing, you will clash. don't let your flame diminish - in reality, you don't. but there will be challenging days. and delays. life will get better, sooner rather than later.
6} between the ages of 8-18, you may not even understand this word to it's fullest captivity, but stop coveting. be happy with what you have. even if it seems like very little. it's enough. yes, there are years where your family doesn't have a car, or tv, or the latest nintendo... or, what you covet the most - family. your parents and the situation you are in can. not. change. so, love those around you for how it is. life is going to give you so much beyond your wildest imaginations later, especially in the realm of family. realize now that the simplest things in life bring happiness, your soul will be happy. with this being said, find adults you can trust, who are honest - they are there, it just might take some searching for them.
7} with these first six, embrace everything about you. to thine own self be true. find the courage in your soul to express how you feel, speak up, about everything - your weaknesses, your personal struggles with religion, and let those around you know how you feel. do not feel small or insignificant because of the storms you've weathered at such a young age. embrace it all, and you will grow. you are a very emotional creature, channel those emotions to help you grow. use those emotions towards your creativity.
after these seven things, be yourself. i promise, you will be happy. the happiest you have ever been. you will be loved, so completely. you have so much potential, you just need to discover it a little sooner.
one day, you will have four children, and you will celebrate their individuality. in fact, you will over-encourage them to be authentic. making sure that they don't perm their hair, don't wear make-up in fifth grade, don't go tanning too young, or go seeking the attention of boys to help them feel secure. you will saturate them with your love, and you will fight for their passions, and what makes them happy. it will make your heart feel like it beats on the outside of your body, the love is so strong.
and, when you reach here, 2011, you'll have a new perspective of your parents. there will still be sorrows, but you will have a better understanding. and, 2011 rocks.
to thine own self be true.
xo,
Jane

Jayd in Austin

2011-04-12T07:33:00.000-07:00

Hey, dude. It’s me. Well, actually, you. Just 25 years in the future. I know that sounds entirely creepy, but it’s true. You see, in the future (and this is one of the few things in the future that is truly mind-blowing) there’s this thing called a blog and you’ve (I’ve?) been asked to write something for it. Picture a fanzine but accessible through a computer and available to almost everyone in the world. It’s insane and you won’t be able to remember how you lived without it.

So, yeah, this is you in the future. Knowing how your brain works, right now you are (a) wondering what has become of you and (b) completely questioning the credibility of this. So, let’s just tackle those questions upfront. First off, the future is a bizarre place where you are shaving regularly (well, still only a couple of times per week to be perfectly honest) and having sex (and, even when that is only a couple of times per week, you aren’t complaining in the least). Yes, you actually marry. Yes, you actually have kids. And (shockingly, to be honest), yes, you actually like your job. The future is actually awesome. Look forward to it, but don’t rush it. The ride to get there is plenty awesome as well. Secondly, let’s address that credibility issue. Here you go – 25 years on, you would still take a bullet in defense of “Psychocandy” being the greatest album ever. Oh, yes. Now, I know what you are thinking – “I’m an old man clinging to the past! Argh!”. Don’t worry there are 25 great years of music ahead of you and you are still on top of it. But, there’s still just something about “Psychocandy” that nothing else has been able to trump.

So, I’m rambling a bit (dad’s pet peeve about your writing style to this day; don’t change it man, just keep rockin’ the overdose of commas and parentheticals; it’s how your brain works). Let’s get to the point here – it’s time for some advice. Yeah, I know that sounds all old and stodgy, but, dude, trust me, this is still you. The energy and drive are still there (I’m actually writing this on 3-hours of sleep in an airport heading to a big corporate presentation today harnessing immense game face; lack of energy never becomes a problem). Now, on with the old-guy-to-young-guy stuff. Cool?

1 – Follow the Prophet. Yes, there it is in the #1 slot. There were a lot of different things that I could say here (“live the Gospel”, “obey the commandments”, etc), but “follow the Prophet” is ultimately all you need to know. If there is nothing else you remember from this (and I’m sure you are 84% tuned out already), just remember: follow the prophet. Why? Well, here’s how it breaks down: If there is truly a living Prophet on the earth, sent from God, then that’s kind of a big deal, right? Yeah, completely. It’s a huge deal. So, attach yourself to that huge deal. Listen to what he has to say and follow it. Don’t sweat whether you understand everything or not yet, just follow it. If it’s from God, then who are you to overanalyze it, right? Totally. Focus more on making it happen than on understanding everything in full detail. The prophet will point you to everything else of worth – read the Book of Mormon, live clean, start a family, get a solid education, man up and be a provider, don’t be a deadbeat dad, etc. If it’s important for you to know, than trust me, you’ll hear it from him. So, we got this one? Follow the prophet. Trust me, you’ll never regret it.

(Reminder: Everything that follows below is far less important than what we just went through. So, should you ever get confused, just remember to follow the prophet).

2 – Be humble. Yes, it’s fun to act arrogant to push people’s buttons. It’s an easy one and I’m not sure you’ll ever get over the temptation. But, seriously, while you may jokingly act like that guy, don’t ever be that guy. Just don’t do it. Stay self-aware. The world is a big place and you are not the sun in the universe, so don’t ever think/exude that. Cool? OK. Seriously, be confident, be strong, be bold, etc, but don’t ever be arrogant. If you don’t know the difference yet, figure it out (hint: constant and complete gratitude is a secret ingredient here).

3 – Be mature. Let me make this super easy: Take serious things seriously. Notice, I didn’t say “don’t have fun”. I didn’t say “be serious”. I simply said “be mature”. Notice serious moments and respect them. This is huge.

4 – Be kind. This one is simple – just be cool to everybody. Done. If you are humble and mature, this will come naturally.

5 – Read like mad. I don’t necessarily care what you read as long as it’s clean and at least somewhat engaging to your brain cells. Just read. A lot. And read different things. A lot of your experience and understanding in life will come through reading. You simply can’t personally experience all there is to experience, so at least read about it. This will be a huge asset to you in connecting with other people.

6 – Travel. If you had any idea how much I’ve been able to travel, you’d be really tripped out. Look forward it. Embrace it. But, don’t ever carry a “the way we do things in my part of the world is superior” vibe (reminder: be humble). Keep your mind and eyes open. The world is a huge and beautiful place. Dude, I’m jealous of the places you are going to go. Be grateful for all of it.

7 – “Never lose that feeling”. Dude, nobody will ever know you like you know yourself. That may sound like a curse, but honestly it’s pretty awesome. Don’t do anything to disturb the natural vibe/signal/energy that you have (hint: following the prophet will keep your signal alive). Be grateful for some of the internal blessings that God and your family have passed down to you.

8 – Listen to the Spirit. I’m going to close on this because this is the only piece of advice that could possibly topple “follow the prophet” for the #1 slot (and it’s definitely advice that the prophet will give you repeatedly; follow it). Keep your mind and hands clean. This world has some ugliness and you are smart enough to recognize it. Avoid it at all costs. Be perfectly honest and able to look any person alive straight in the eyes and know that you are good. That’s a very powerful feeling (hint: this is the secret ingredient for confidence). Live by the Spirit. To quote one of your future Bishops: “Once you feel the Spirit, you never want to lose that”.

So, in conclusion, just know this – it may be 25 years in the future (and you may be sitting in an airport pre-dawn in a business suit as you write this), but you are still 100% you. Your face is more wrinkled, your hair is less plentiful (and less pigmented), your waistline is less trimmed-out, and your responsibilities are far heavier, but your joys are far exquisite. It’s a great time and you will love it. Live clean and get there.

Nat in Boston

2011-01-06T09:50:00.000-08:00

Dear Nat—
Quit thinking you must have short hair because you have a long face. You will not look like a horse with long hair, I promise. Also. Wear shorts. You live in Arizona and it’s hot. You do not have unsightly legs, you’re just being ridiculous and clichéd with your needless body image issues.

So. Now that the trivial matters are out of the way.

Your dad always said he pitied those who never got past talking about the glory days of high school—because life is supposed to get better after high school. And I can promise you that it does. You were in a hurry to get out, and that was the right choice. Ten years after you graduate, you’re in a life more fabulous than you ever fathomed possible or thought you deserved.

Nat. To make a very long story short—you’re a rock star. You always have been, you simply let insecurity and fear own too much of your heart and your interactions with others. Quit that soon, because you’ll lose years of your life driving people away until you figure out how to both treat and communicate with them in the spirit of sensitivity and respect. You’re not a nasty person, but let’s be honest—sometimes you’re not a real joy to be around either. Never substitute being clever for being kind. Keep plugging away at self-improvement, you’ll get there. Once you turn the corner and figure out how to love yourself, the number of incredible people in your life will improve exponentially. With years of practice, you’ll transform yourself into a truly sensitive, thoughtful, loyal friend. This will become one of your defining characteristics and people respect this about you
.
You’ll learn resiliency as you encounter professional, social, romantic, and spiritual setbacks. You’ll learn to find the silver lining. Don’t focus so much on what’s wrong all the time; find the right and chase after it. In good news, there isn’t true regret, tragedy, or heartbreak looming on the horizon—just the continual heat felt from being in the refiner’s fire. Nat—it’s nothing you can’t handle, so don’t be so afraid. There’s no need to fear life; embrace it.

You’ll learn to love yourself by being completely alone. And alone doesn’t mean lonely dear girl—there’s a key difference. Alone means far from home, able to navigate life with a competence beyond your years. Instead of constantly checking your phone waiting for it to ring, you’ll gleefully check the increasing balance of your savings account and feel like you’ve really made it in the world. You’ll travel… a lot. Yes, because you want to, but also because you can. You learn to make things happen instead of waiting for them to happen to you.

The only true life regret you have at 28 is that you didn’t figure these things out earlier on. But it’s okay; you’d be a different person today if you’d figured it out sooner. And truth be told, you wouldn’t trade the today version of you for a different one. (You worked hard to smooth out all those rough edges!)

And that’s not just a silver lining, but a platinum one.

KC in COS

2010-12-26T23:06:00.000-08:00

Dear 24,

Here's a tip, selfishness is the worst quality in a partner. Figure that out now and ten years from now you won't have to go for a 90 minute run on Christmas because some jerk picked that day to let you know he was getting married.

And yes, it's exactly who you think it is. Shut it down today. There are going to be dozens of good men in your life in the next decade and I'm afraid you might miss something great because you are too stubborn to give up on this "project."

You are major league my dear, quit messing around in the minors.

-34

Ryan in CO

2010-12-15T10:24:00.001-08:00

Dear me,

Listen pal, time is of the essence here so make sure you pay attention. Next month, right after your thirteenth birthday, that super cute girl Heather is going to ask to talk to you after church. She will tell you that she wrote you a letter but was too afraid to mail it. She will walk you to that secluded alley behind the parsonage. She will then stand in silence, playing with her slap bracelets. Listen to me. She wants you to kiss her. You need to kiss her. I know you will be distracted because you are playing spies with your friend Jason and you were not supposed to leave your post in the foyer. You will feel fidgety and keep checking your watch. Trust me, this is more important. No foreign enemies will invade through the front doors of the church. You will never become a spy. Ever. You will, however, continue to want to kiss girls. Kiss her. It'll change your life. Even if you don't kiss her, at the very least stop pretending like their is a phone hidden in your shoe. No one will ever buy that.
Love,
Ryan

Brooke in SLC

2010-12-05T09:50:00.000-08:00

Dear You-
You have a flair for the dramatic. You are fiercely loyal. You are the most self-deprecating person I know (and that's not a compliment). You are emotional. You love vocabulary and music and art and puns and showtunes. Nerd. You are overly-sensitive. You are obsessed with movies a bit too much. You're very opinionated. You heart naps. There's always a song in your head. You love many people and many people love you. Some people just don't like you. You live to distinguish yourself. You work hard, but should work harder. You play hard, but should play harder. You know what you want. You're driven, stubborn, gregarious, and blunt. A little too blunt. You have big dreams. You are restless and anxious. You love to laugh. A lot. You sometimes hate yourself. You have loved much and lost. You have hurt others and have been hurt by others. Your heart has been broken. Your wrist has been broken. You adore your family. You love the Lord.

And you know what? It's ok. All of it. It's just ok. Learn to embrace who you are. It's the hardest lesson for you for some reason and it's so cliche. So cliche. Who cares. Just be ok with you. You. All of you. It's ok.
-Me

Ulysses

2010-11-30T10:55:00.000-08:00

Hey, Ulysses.

It’s me. Well, you actually, just older. Maybe a little wiser.

You’re 16 now, right? I want to lay a few things out that are about to going to happen to you. I’ll share with you a lot of what I went through and what I think about it now. I can’t spare you all the pain and sadness. I won’t lie. It was rough and pretty ugly. But, I do hope to save you from some of the avoidable things that made things worse.

Grab a diet coke. I know you like those.

You won’t find this out for another year, but Mom is sick. She has breast cancer. Believe me, I know how close you are. I know she’s your best friend. I know she’s the one who is the glue in the family. I know you get so much of your drive and passion and stubbornness from her.

She’ll be in and out of hospitals a lot. Chemo. Tests. Other stuff.

Mom and Dad won’t really tell you what is happening, so I’d encourage you to help them talk about it. Ask them to be honest. You’re mature enough to understand and, believe me, you’ll later appreciate the extra time you spend talking.

You’ll see Mom get more tired. More fragile. Be gentle with her and be helpful around the house. Don’t wait to be asked to do some of the little things. As it turns out, knowing how to iron and do you own laundry is actually useful. Shockingly, she won’t miss a minute of anything you do. She’ll bundle up for soccer games. She wouldn’t miss a concert for the world. You’ll do a saxophone solo your junior year that will move her to tears.

A little aside....It’s actually one hell of a performance you’ll give. You’ll turn other heads and will end up being invited to tour Europe with a band. You’ll play in London. Cut a record at Abbey Studio. Jam in the Tube. Through it all, you’ll actually learn how to play for real! Your senior year, you’ll earn best performance at the state music contest and the instructor will invite you to work with the guy from the college. You know the one. The best jazz saxophonist in Chicago. I ignored the invitation. I want to make sure you don’t. Music has always been important to you. I know how deeply it moves you. Don’t pass this up. Don’t be shy. Meet the guy. You never know.

Back to the story.

In your senior year, you’re going to be offered music and soccer scholarships. Unfortunately, the soccer opportunities are out of state. Mom is going to say something like this, “No matter what happens, I want you to go to school where you want. I want you to pursue your passion and be great.”. It is at this very moment that I’m sure you’ll realize, like I did, that something really bad is going on. Hopefully, you’ll have better luck finding out about this earlier than I did. But, this was the first time I knew Mom was really sick.

I stayed. I chose the local college. No, it wasn’t as good and I gave up both music and soccer so that I could be available for our younger brother and sister. But, I think this was the right decision. It has been rough at times, but I know they appreciated you being there.

You’re going to be called at work and told to get to the hospital as fast as you can. This is the last time you’ll see her. I know you’re hurt and I know you’re afraid to lose her, but be sweet. And not just to her but to Dad as well. Talk to your brother and sister and tell them it will be okay. I forgot to do that.

I won’t lie. The aftermath is horrible. Dad doesn’t have a clue about how to handle this and he’ll initially try to overcompensate.

Don’t beat him up over this one. But, talk to the guy. I know you’re no great conversationalist (neither is he, right?) and small talk is hard for you, but try to put yourself in his shoes. You lost your Mom but he lost his wife. He loved her too and since she was the glue in the family, he doesn’t know how or what to do.

Empathize. Ask if he’s okay. Take him to lunch.

I didn’t do any of this and I regret it. You'll find out that life is about connecting. And right now, you're really disconnected. Take the time and take the initiative to reconnect with him now.

Cause guess what?

He’s going to remarry next year.

And if you don’t step up to help rebuild the family too, you’re going to really, REALLY regret it. This may take maturity beyond your years and you may not see it coming. But, unless you take an active role in being part of the solution, your family will never, ever be the same. If you take anything away from this letter, let it be this. Take the time to heal.

As it turns out, she has three kids, too. Don’t get the wrong impression. She’s actually very nice and, generally, her kids are too. But, left to his own devices, Dad is going to rebuild his life as soon as possible. I think I understand why he did this. I still don’t agree with it. It wasn’t good for us, but it must have been something he had to do for him. I get that, I guess. And even though you’re just down the road, technically, you’re “away at school” and you’ll quickly find yourself left out. Of everything.

It took a long, long time for me to come to grips with all this. I think I could have avoided the worst of it had I only asked him to take more time to help us all heal. You’re going to be fine, one way or the other. You’re going to be a good husband and a good father. You’re going to be really good at what you do. I’d offer some hints like “my top 5 things to do”, but you know what? I’m only going to give you one...

“...the most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle.”

You’ll appreciate the irony of that quote some day.
Good luck,

Ulysses

Sunshine

2010-11-17T12:51:00.001-08:00

Dear Sunshine,

It’s been a long time since you have gone by that name. You shed it in the 3rd grade almost like you were trying to re-invent yourself; even at such a young age. This letter is hard for me to write to you because I wish I could tell you that everything is okay. But it’s not. Not like life should be.

Let me just start by telling you the good. You are happily married- going on 10 years. You adore your husband and in return he “gets” you. He understands, sometimes better than you, how you feel. He makes you laugh, he holds your hand, and he gives you space. You have 3 beautiful girls. They are the light of your life even in the dark moments when you want to run away. You are a little over protective and you sometimes yell too much, but you try to keep things in check and give them the childhood you never really, truly had.

It’s been almost 30 years since both your stepbrother and stepfather sexually abused you. You have never really let yourself deal with the pain and devastation this caused you. While you were strong enough to wake your mother up in the middle of the night to tell her, you never let her get you the help you needed. You are so strong, but that is almost a detriment to you. Intellectually you can talk about what happened, but emotionally you just don’t go to that dark place.

Sweet Sunshine… it wasn’t your fault. You never did anything to encourage this and you couldn’t have stopped it.

I wish I could tell you that you didn’t fall into the stereotype for an abused girl. You become promiscuous and get pregnant at 17. You didn’t have the baby. You end up viewing sex as a form of power, not intimacy. You deal with depression pretty much all of you life. The kicker is, most people who know you now, would never use that word to describe you. You are VERY good at hiding your true feelings. Oxymoron is your favorite word. Because that is what you are. On the surface you are an open book. You can and do thrive in any situation. You can talk about any topic. Except what you REALLY feel. What you REALLY think about. You give the impression that you are totally laidback, but really you are a closet control freak.

Please don’t be sad by this letter. You survived. You have a wonderful life that brings you joy and happiness. You have friends and family who love you. I can’t promise that the deep sadness will go away. But what I can promise is that your 34-year-old self will do everything she can to make sure that your 50-year-old self can look back and smile. I want, so very bad, for her to be proud of us. You, for surviving this horrible thing. And me for finally understanding that I had no control.

Me

Mike in Dallas

2010-11-10T09:27:00.000-08:00

Our first letter from a Y chromosome! Enjoy!

Mike –

It’s been a while since we talked…I wanted to see how you’re doing. Things are
fine here in late 2010. Amazing how we look up and it’s November. Sorry I missed your 16th birthday last month….like I said, the year is flying by.

How is soccer going ?....you mentioned the elite team offered you a roster spot.
They see your skills, your quiet leadership too as you lead by example.
I hope you take them up on their offer ( I didn’t when I was your age ). Seeing
ourselves as others do can be difficult ….but again, they see something great there. Let me know how it goes.

What’s the latest from my alma mater, Richardson High School ? Last time we spoke I believe you mentioned that Spanish was a tad difficult. Keep at it….when I was there the Spanish teacher offered after school tutoring to improve, it lasted just 30minutes a couple days a week…Take advantage of that if necessary ( I didn’t when I was your age).

I know when your mom remarried it was difficult for you. Sure, you want her to be happy and you’re thankful for all that he can provide. You mentioned feeling guilty, worrying about your dad in NY as you and your five siblings were sittin’ pretty ( I think those were your words)in Dallas while your dad was battling his demons. I continue to pray for his recovery. Make sure you do the same ( I didn’t when I was your age ). Prayer works Mike.

Trust me Mike, both your dad and now your stepdad are wise men, strong men. When we age, we learn. That’s not to say though that we don’t all make mistakes…we do. Some (i.e. me) make more than my share : )…but in the end, and this certainly sounds generic….”it’s all good”. I’m not sure where I heard this initially but the quote “Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid” is strong. Yes, easier said than done obviously…..but say it out loud now. Say it again later today.say it tonight…say it Mike…believe it….do it. Hmmm, I just researched this a moment ago…some feel that German poet Johann Wolfgang von Goethe penned this. Others think that Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Johann Wolfgang Canadian author and pastor Basil King coined the phrase. Doesn’t really matter I suppose.

Annnnyway, I’ve rambled long enough. You’ve always said you want to do things on your own,make your own mark, be your own man. That’s admirable, but remember there’s no shame in taking advantage of opportunities that come your way. Whether you’ve earned them or you’re in need of a hand, it doesn’t matter. God put us here for each other and of course him….using both is your greatest tool ( I didn’t when I was your age ).

Take care…we’ll talk later

- Mike

Elizabeth in SLC

2010-11-05T13:21:00.001-07:00

dear older me,

i hope we get more tattoos, but no piercings.
i hope we really do go to mortuary school and we don't just talk about it.
i hope we stop loving the boys who don't call.
i hope we stop loving the boys who drink too much.
i hope we stop loving the boys who love our friends.
i hope we don't end up alone.
i hope we shop at j. crew more (but please don't throw away our thrift store sweaters).
i hope we always have a cat.
i hope one day we grow our hair out, even though i know we'll just cut it all off again.
i hope we always smile at old people.
i hope we never stop laughing at dad's jokes.
i hope we listen to 'slow ride' by foghat every time we get a new car.
i hope you can look back at where i am now and think 'that really wasn't so bad.'
and i hope that's true.

xoxox
you

Katie in Denver

2010-11-01T16:08:00.000-07:00

Dear Katie,

Remember last April when the girl you thought was one of your best friends in the world decided to go on a study abroad? That was the most awesome experience for her. She loved it and met lots of new people…people she should live with this year, instead of living with you.

Right now there are about 3 weeks left of the summer before your Senior year at BYU in Provo, UT. I know you keep calling her trying to figure out how the two of you are going to live together in Provo this upcoming year. I know it seems really weird that she is short and kind of distant…that she doesn’t return your calls. The reason is that she probably doesn’t want to live with you, but feels obligated to bunk up since she said she would.

But the two of you are much different people than you were a short 4 months ago.

You used to have so much in common, but this summer time passed, you both had very different experiences and you’ve both changed. And forcing the two of you to live together will be very unpleasant.

Instead of enjoying your last year together at college you’ll start to dread coming home. You’ll argue all the time and be genuinely confused why this person you still love doesn’t love you back. It’ll end up being the most hurtful experience of your time in Provo… more painful than any other personal relationship in your life.

You’ll spent the next 5 years replaying the events of that last semester in your mind…trying to determine what went wrong and how you could have avoided it. It’ll eat you up inside every single time you have a Sunday school lesson about forgiveness.

It’ll make you think you are incapable of being a good girl friend.

Call up your friend Brittany and she if she wants to live together. I mean, sure, she recently kind of dated your boyfriend while you were away for an internship for the summer, but that’ll blow over and the two of you could have had SUCH a great year together!

However, if you don’t decide to take my advice on this, that’s ok too. Because, even though the experience was really hard, you come out on the other end just fine. You marry a red hot smokin man who is so funny he makes you laugh until you fall out of chairs.

Literally

Oh, and you have great hair, so there’s always that.

Love, Katie

Tracy in SLC

2010-10-27T14:57:00.000-07:00

Dear 8th grade Tracy,

I might as well get this out of the way because I know it’s the thing you’re desperate to hear—you get pretty. I know it seems absolutely impossible now, with the red hair you haven’t yet realized is curly, braces on your teeth, huge glasses all over your face, and, firmly securing your current unsightliness, an awkward, cumbersome, scoliosis back brace. I’m not gonna lie, you don’t look too hot this year. People avert their eyes sometimes. The nicknames aren’t kind. Boys don’t like you. Girls don't like you. I know. But somehow, miraculously, you get pretty.

But guess what else? That’s so much more important? Thanks to the state of things now, you also get funny. And interesting. And brave. You have to be, if you’re going to have even the slightest shot of surviving socially. With everything that’s working against you right now, you’ve got to force some things to work for you. And you’ll manage to do it, sort of. Enough to get by. And these things that are crutches for you now will be trademarks for you later, and you will love them. Not everybody else will, mind you—your constant personality overcompensation will annoy and irritate and frustrate a fair share of friends and strangers and lovers. But no matter. Little 8th grade you have handled much worse. You took the brunt of it for us, and I can’t tell you how thankful I am for what you’re dealing with now for our sake. I promise, promise, promise, it will be worth it. It will make you cool.

Now I wish I could tell you that the cursed back brace worked. It didn’t. Your crooked twisted back will never stop hurting you, and will present you with challenge after challenge and surgery after surgery. It’s crappy now and crappy always. Yippee. But, there is a bright side. That crooked twisted back and all the extensive care it will require will give you the gift of learning just exactly how much your family and friends love you. And it’s a lot. You will be mind blown and heart broken—in the good way—by the kindness and compassion and long-suffering of the people in your life. You will be spoiled rotten just because your body isn’t quite right. You will get to see the very best in people. You will be so, so loved. Lucky you.

Oh little ugly Tracy, hang in there. I know it’s tough and you feel like you’re not ________ enough, but you are. You’ll make it. I’m so proud of how you’re scraping by right now. You will be proud of the person it helps you to become. That person is rooting so hard for you. Good luck.

Love,
27 year old Tracy

Lori in Park City

2010-10-20T09:45:00.001-07:00

Dear Me,

Listen to your grandmother as you paint with her that rainy Saturday when you are nine. As she guides your hand to transform a spilled dollop of Prussian blue into a swirling sky, she will tell you:

1. Paint thick over thin.
2. Always use fresh paint.
3. Take the time to prime your canvas.

Later, you will realize that she really means:

1. Let your authentic self wash over before worrying about the little details.
2. Buy quality in art and food and ensure that there is a variety of color on your palette and your plate.
3. Grounded by your faith and family, figure out who you are before leaping into work, relationships, and politics.

Armed with this, you’ll be free to make decisions instead of being paralyzed by them.

Do good things!
Me

P.S. When your daughter arrives, you will name her Grace, too and her great-grandmother’s twinkle will be an unmistakable reminder of her presence always.

Back in the Saddle

2010-10-07T09:15:00.001-07:00

I'm waking this blog up again...I have some women I am hoping will contribute. For now, here is a letter I wrote a few years ago to my 16 year old self on the eve of the Homecoming Dance that I have to constantly re-read.

Dear Miss Katie,

I'm really sorry that you aren't going to the dance tonight. I hope it's at least a little better because if I remember correctly, the boy you liked senior year doesn't even go to your school. That probably sounds like a dumb and not helpful adult thing to say though doesn't it? (What if I tell you that you will see that boy on the street in about five years and you will look adorable and he will look, well, not?)

I wish you knew all the truly amazing things that are going to happen to you in the next 15 years. You will have experiences and opportunities that you don't even know enough to daydream about yet. But one thing I will tell you is that you aren't going to grow up to be a dater. Boys are always going to be one part of your life where you will fail way more than you succeed and will be a near constant source of frustration. My advice to you is that right now-as you are sitting there telling your journal that your grades and your friends and your lead roles in plays and the enormous amount of effort you put into making good choices don't count because you didn't get asked to the dance-is that you learn to stop giving your dating status any sort of power over your happiness. Over the next few years, plenty of boys are going to come in and out of your life. Some of them will feel really significant and then when it turns out they aren't, you will end up wasting a lot of time and energy explaining away the great things about yourself because they weren't interested in you. I'm not trying to depress you-there are some lovely romances ahead I promise-but the overriding state of your love life will be sorta grim. Even now, in my "older and wiser" state, I'll admit to still panicking every once in awhile that I will die alone. But I will also promise you that your thirty one year old self can look back and say that not one of those marathon crush boys you've had or will have is someone you missed out on. There will be some awesome men in your life and some real turkeys too, but worrying and fretting won't change either of those facts. You really won't want to trade the experiences you WILL have for more dinner and a movie nights with random boys. The sooner you can learn this lesson, the more you will be able to enjoy what's coming up. I know somewhere in your heart you know this but getting a boyfriend is not an accomplishment. It's obviously a great goal and hey, I hope we get married one of these days too kid. But if set your worth in the areas of your life that you can control on something that is entirely subjective, you set yourself up for a pretty sad and ungrateful life.

You are such a good little person and it's frustrating as an adult to look back and see how often you tied yourself up in knots over the opinions of sixteen year old boys. Although if I'm honesty with myself, it's not just you. I suppose the sixty year old me will probably say something similar one of these days about the men around me now.

Let yourself cry tonight, there is nothing wrong with wanting to have those quintessential high school experiences and being sad when you think you are missing out. Just know that "missing out" is relative. It will shock you someday to talk to your current classmates as adults and discover that even alot of the kids at that dance right now spent high school feeling just as lost and insecure as you do. But tomorrow try to do something outside of yourself. Help with your little siblings or write a thank you note or something. Just don't wear yourself out on something that you simply cannot control.

Your life is pretty different now from what you imagine and sometimes fear right now so go ahead and cross "senior prom" off your list. You aren't going and yet somehow, you will still manage to get into college and speak french on your mission and kiss plenty of really good lookin' boys someday. Go easy on yourself, it'll be super helpful to me one day.

hugs,
kc

Chloe in NYC

2009-08-25T09:05:00.000-07:00

Dear Chloe,

You are just finishing up your summer internship. In a little over two weeks you will be starting your second year of your MBA program. You started packing tonight and reflecting on your life. You started to think about the wedding you called off three years ago and how your life today is so different then you thought it would be then. Then, you thought you'd be married and, at this point, probably well on your way to having baby number two. Such is not the case. The truth is, you have no idea when or even if you'll get married. Sometimes this makes you feel very...lonely. Don't feel bad about that. It's okay to feel lonely every once in a while. The good news is, you aren't bitter. Make sure you don't ever become bitter.

You need to look back at your life on a regular basis. You have been through some very hard things. You lost your mom. You don't exactly have a great relationship with your dad, although it's better than it was. You have struggled with your weight and how you feel about it for a very long time. You walked away from a marriage...a marriage you wanted so badly...but you knew it wasn't the right one.

In looking back on all of the hard decisions you've had to make, at all of the hard things you've had to live through, at all the stupid mistakes you’ve made, you need to realize and always remember that you really like who you are today. In fact, you love you. You love who you are becoming. You know that this is a process. You have finally realized that you are never going to feel like you've arrived, but that's not a bad thing. Along the way to becoming, you can see so many amazing milestones; milestones that only exist because you did hard things. Never lose sight of that.

Life will keep going...and it will throw you curve balls. I can't see into the future, but I can tell you this because this is the way it is supposed to work. You are going to have make decisions and most of these will not be decisions between right and wrong. In fact, they will often not be between good and better. Believe in your ability to choose. Believe in the mind that God gave you and in the lessons you have learned throughout your life. The truth is, you can't have it all. This life was designed that way. And you are finally starting to see that. Just like not arriving is not a bad thing, not having it all is not a bad thing either. You will learn how to prioritize. You will learn where your values are; not necessarily on a moral level (those are what they are and, hopefully, will not change), but on a personal preference level. Decisions require sacrifice...otherwise, what is there to decide? But know, that in giving up one thing, you will gain something else. That's the nature of life.

More than anything, I want you to remember how you feel right now, in this moment. You have worked your tail off this summer and the people you are working with have noticed. You have great friends and you are a great friend. You aren't perfect, and neither are they, but you are all doing the best you can (which somedays is much better than others) and they value you as much as you value them. And today, you can feel that. Your family is not perfect, but they are yours and they love you. And today, you know that everything is going to workout, despite all of your mistakes and misjudgments. Today, you know that you are going to be fine. Don't let go of that feeling. And on that day in the very near future when you start to question, when you start to doubt that, remember that where there is fear, there can’t be faith. Remember, as your mom constantly reminded you, it always works out. Always.

Love and rockets,

Your biggest cheerleader

Amy

2009-08-15T20:10:00.001-07:00

Dear me yesterday,

Buy more milk. Oreos wouldn't be a bad idea either.

love,
Amy

Michele at 22

2009-08-11T15:20:00.000-07:00

Dear me,

You do not have to move to Atlanta. In fact, you probably shouldn't. Of course he's wonderful, and of course you want to stay with him. But, Atlanta? What are you going to do in Atlanta? You just graduated college, I know you have no idea what you're going to do -- grad school, audition, live at home and wait it out? But that's okay. It's a good thing! Following a boy because you don't know what else to do? Maybe not so smart. (And guess what? He's not going to want that house in the country, or the chickens, or to do anything but play Starcraft and drink beer. And you're not going to marry him.)

You know how you ended up spending three months on $300 as he got more and more depressed about his job and, well, Atlanta? And then remember working at that hoity-toity wine bar (where you have no business carrying more-than-one of anything made of glass and/or filled with stain culprits)? And remember how none of it really changed anything except that you felt lonely, irritable, and like a failure? You weren't, you aren't, I'm just saying...the most important lesson from this (that you still struggle to learn, or manage, or something) is that you need to NOT lose yourself in relationships. Your mother, your teachers, your friends, all have made a point to tell you how independent and adventurous you have been, and how you've always just picked up and gone wherever you wanted. And this time you didn't, and it had serious side effects. They got better. But pay attention to that lesson and learn how to live simultaneously with a relationship and with your instincts. Don't let any boy guilt you out of your independence, your need for solitude, and your need to travel, drive away, see the mountains and oceans from many angles. People may cry, "Escapism!" -- but living a life for which you have no feelings, or feel trapped or manipulated is far worse. Don't think of it as escaping or running away -- think of it as running to.

Also, listen to your mother. She really is aware of what makes you happy far more than you are -- you're still trying to replicate what makes others happy because you think you don't know what pleases you. Stop it. You are not other people, and their happiness is not yours, their jobs are not your key to success and their hobbies are not your interests. Be happy for them. But shut up already and listen to yourself. And your mother.

love,
michele

Therese in Alaska

2009-08-04T10:50:00.001-07:00

Dear Younger Self,

As you will find with many things, it is amazing the change of perspective being a mother and taking a few steps back will have on you. You are going to say and do many remarkable things in the next 15 years of your life and you will also make decisions and react in ways you will be less than proud of. I am not going to stand in the way of those less than proud decisions as they will help you learn and blossom. They will teach you to not be so quick to judge and to keep your mouth closed at certain times. Don't waste time regretting those moments because they are part of the intricate weaving in the tapestry of your life.

However, we do need to get one thing straight. Tanning beds are absolutely disgusting and vile mechanisms. I know, I know: you crave the warmth of the lights in the winter time and you think it helps diminish any imperfections or dimples on your body. Well I have two bits of advice for you:

1.) Save the money you would spend on your tanning pass and buy a flight to the Caribbean each winter
2.) Join a gym and start lifting weights and you won't need the extra camouflage

While you are at it, you need to refrain from being so gullible in believing that those ultra violent lights are a healthy alternative to a daily dose of a Vitamin D pill. Do you think it is natural for your body to smell like the burning flesh in a concentration camp when your 20 minutes is up and the bed shuts off? Yuck!

One morning you are going to wake up and look in the mirror and notice that your face is aging. The time is going to come sooner than later, but wouldn't you much rather have it come later? I hate to break it to you, but you look like a leather handbag when you are unnaturally tan!

Worse than that, one day you are going to have babies whose little lives you want to watch unfold and you are going to read about tanning beds being the #1 cause of cancer (being likened to mustard gas of all things) and you are going to worry when every new mole surfaces on your body. Your brother-in-law is going to die of brain cancer as a young father in a disease that he has no control over and yet you are choosing to subject your body to such harm? Shame on you! You know better! Stop being so proud of the fact that you do not take harmful chemicals like tea, coffee, tobacco and alcohol into your body, but then continue to be addicted to what it takes to have a good suntan. If you can justify those actions, then you clearly do not have things figured out.

Now I don't think that you should walk around with a parasol, but for heavens sake girl; start taking care of your skin! Enjoy the beach and all that summer has to offer, but be a little smarter about cancer prevention! Hopefully the only repercussion for your foolish discretion we will have to deal with are the fine lines on your face!

Love,
Your older, wiser and much more pale self.

PS: Just wait, there are more times ahead that I sound just like our mother!

Cynthia in California

2009-07-29T12:16:00.000-07:00

To my 22 year old self:

I want to start with this-you are an amazing, gifted, young lady. You walk tall and you look the world in the eye. You smile big and let little offend you or shake you. People see you as beautiful and full of life. They draw near you to be around your carefree, positive spirit. They lean on you for strength and you are willing to help them. You are good with people and you try very hard to accommodate their needs. But I know you, you are a performer and you are drained by pretending that you are strong, when in the corner of your room you cry. You are uncertain, betrayed, embarrassed, and angry….and no one knows.

Life is not easy right now. You feel that the foundation you have built your life on has fallen from under you. You are uncertain where to place your trust. Your family no longer actively pursues the gospel. What your parents have taught you does not seem to apply to them anymore. What are you to think of their teachings? Do you trust them? Do you obey them? In addition, the divorce has left you leery of everything your family has stood for. What is a family? What is my family to me? Is this the beginning of lost relationships and “different ways?” Do you have security? Safety? Love? Is it a “fend for yourself” situation? I know these are your thoughts and rightfully so. But I am here to tell you, it will be okay. This is actually the beginning of strength, support, unbreakable bonds, love and ironically…unity within your family. And although your family will always be your strength, they will not be your foundation and that’s okay. We are not a traditional family and we are not perfect, but we are a family and we love each other. Remember to share your life with them; they will be your strength. They will hold you up, build you up. Each one of them…every individual in your family supports you in your decisions. They may not agree at times, but they support you and they never pull you down. They genuinely want you to be happy and this becomes more evident as you get older. They will be the one consistent, reliable support in your life….your backbone.

Listen to your mother. She is usually right. Seldom do you agree with her the first time; she is eccentric to you at first glance. But as you sit in your room and process her thoughts and theories, you manage to pull truths from what she says. She is wise and she knows you very well. If nothing else….just listen. She becomes the voice in your head telling you “you can do it”. Encouraging you to take that step and any thought that comes to your mind is not too big for you to accomplish in her eyes. She is your personal Nike commercial…Just Do It! She is your biggest fan. She has much pride in you. Her love will make you feel accomplished and will build your self esteem as the years go on.

As for relationships: You have spent the last four years fighting for someone’s love. You have placed trust in him and he has failed you. Your best friend turned into your worst nightmare. You needed his approval and you lost yourself trying to get it. You allowed yourself to be used and abused for this man’s conditional love. You lost your soul and today you feel it. You feel ugly and unworthy of love. Your heart has never been more shattered by one person that it has by this man, even to this date. You found a deep hate, unfortunately for yourself. But this year you found a way to begin your journey away from him. I am not sure where you found the strength, but you found it. It is new for you today, and very difficult. But I am very proud of you. It is the best decision you have made. However, as a result of this decision you lose many of your close friends. You start over alone. And I am proud to say, it is a permanent decision. You never go back. Unfortunately, your hurt causes you to become calloused and once again you are at a loss of where to place your trust. Where do you build your foundation?

Regardless of your lack of trust, you find people to be fascinating; you learn so much of who you are through these people. You are not quick to judge, but you are quick to forgive. You will be criticized for this character trait…ignore them and forgive anyway…it is an attribute that has blessed you with good people in your life and less drama. Naturally, you admire each individual person for who they are and try to breathe in what it is they have to offer you. However, you learn that people come in and out of your life, and very few of them stay. Don’t be upset by this…it is just a matter of fact. Transition is a part of life and you do all you can to help people with new transitions. You are blessed to have them in your life for that short time, but also know they will move on. Be happy for them, you’ll find joy in that. You learn to enjoy the company you have, but you never expect loyalty from them. As a result, you are nonchalant with your friendship/relationships…never fully attached. People mistake it for independence…even you mistake it for independence. You might even hurry people to “transition” before you get too attached. However, don’t be quick to push them out; there will be few who surprise you and never leave you.

This is a year of self-reflecting, which sucks…I’ll be honest. But it brings about an inner strength. You find your foundation within yourself. You identify your belief system…in religion, within yourself, and of others. This is a push start to uphill achievements. You hit many obstacles, have thoughts and insecurities that test you, but because of your new foundation/belief system you overcome such trials. And one day, you self-reflect and will genuinely say, “I’m proud of you.” Stick to your belief system, it is your stability. Keep your family close; they are your backbone, without them you are weak. And learn from your friends; they are your examples.

love,
c

Farrah in LA

2009-07-07T19:49:00.001-07:00

Dear Me at 10 Months Ago.

Don't take that job.

I know you think you'd be stupid not to. I know there is not a silver lining in sight. But trust me. Ten months from now, when it has been made spectacularly clear that there is no way to progress in this company and you've sacrificed your weekends and even some of your self-respect for something you thought would be a smart, short-term solution, you will regret the ten months lost on your search for a real career. You remember how we cried that night because you found out accepting this job would mean they would expect you to work on Sundays and you began interviewing friends for their experiences working on the Sabbath? Well, this job isn't like their jobs. This job is below your skill level, below your experience level and to lower your standards simply because you feel stupid not taking a job when the economy is so awful...well, that's an unusually pessimistic attitude for you and you should know better than to operate off of fear rather than faith.

You asked yourself that night if taking this job showed a lack of faith. If accepting the terms that you would knowingly break the Sabbath showed disrespect toward the many blessings the Lord has shown doors to in the past. Well, I'm here to tell you, Ten-Months-Ago Me, IT DOES.

You're resourceful and you're experienced. Focus on a job that is in a logical field related to your professional experience. Because when you find out that all the promises you received of expansion and opportunity are all bullshit, you'll regret the time you lost and the sacrifices you made for a job you never really wanted to begin with.

Be smart. Don't panic. Focus.
-Me.

M in Orange County

2009-06-29T14:07:00.001-07:00

Dear Me 23 after graduating from college,

You are blessed with the quality of being at peace with life and it’s challenges. But with that peace comes complacency. Take more risks, get more involved, and do the things that you daydream about. Look for opportunities that help you stretch and grow out of your comfort zone. Don’t be okay with the status quo.

You also have a hard time asking for help and relying on others when going through difficult times. You have a tendency to be strong and silent in your emotional relationships with others. You keep a little border up between you and those you are closest with. You are a consistent, dependable, and stable friend to others but, you internalize every stressful emotion on your own. Please give others the opportunity to help and serve you. You don’t have to be so independent. When you go to others for help your relationships will grow. You might think you know what is best for you, but getting another person’s perspective is also just as valuable. Ask for help and don’t be afraid to admit your vulnerabilities. There are many people who have had similar experiences that will be able to help you in times of despair. Don’t assume that others will think it a burden to help you, even in the small things like asking for a ride to the airport. If you don’t learn to rely on others you will at times feel very alone.

Nourish your friendships and relationships by sharing with them how you feel about them. Focus on the good in others and tell them often how important they are to you. This may be difficult since you aren’t used to hearing these things, but this will also help your relationships to be strengthened. The friendships and relationships you have during your early twenties to the present are going to be your lifeline. Keep those people in your life who genuinely have your best interests at heart closest to you. Always remember that you have a great deal to share with others and don’t be afraid to let others in to see all the good you have to offer.

Me at 33

Kersten in SLC

2009-06-25T09:37:00.000-07:00

Dear Kersten,

First, the bad news: you will never own that lime green, convertible Geo Metro from the hand-me-down copy of Road&Track you’ve been stashing. Although this is undoubtedly a blow to your 9-year-old dreams, keep hope for black Toyota Corollas — 1995 was a particularly good year.

And now for the good news: you are one weird little girl. Trust me, being weird is good news. The things that make you awkward and ugly and nerdy and alone now will one day be your strongest assets. These weirdnesses will be with you a long time, maybe even the rest of your life, but eventually you are going to learn how to deal with them, how to mold them, how to craft them into strengths.

Let’s take that oversized plant identification book that you’ve been carrying around — you have been telling your classmates that you want to be a botanist when you grow up. These are not the things that get you invited to sleepovers and summer pool parties. But, 20 years from now, you will still remember the cover to that book and reaching out to touch the illustrations as though you were actually running lavender buds through your fingers. Someday you will have your own lavender, if not the botany degree. Remember that Mondrian painting you saw in the Pittsburgh museum, while on a field trip with your girl scout troop? It happens that, through no particular maneuvering on your part, that you will one day build a house that looks a bit like that Mondrian.

These are strange details. But they stick because you’ll always have a mind that grabs odd snippets and clutches to them, pulling them out for daylight every so often, brushing off the dust, and rearranging the details on your mind’s shelves. Embrace this trivia and this propensity to remember and learn — you’re going to make the most of those hyper-connective sparks some day soon.

Love,
Kersten, 28

Nikki in CA

2009-06-24T21:34:00.000-07:00

To my dear 22 year old self –

You would think at 22 years of age, things would all fall into place. You are graduating from college in 2 months. You have a great job lined up for your jump-start in the real world but all of that doesn’t really matter.

Currently things in your life are not as you had planned. Plans are funny, aren’t they? You are little bit of a dreamer, so it has been a tough adjustment for you to deal with heavy heartbreaking matters like grief. Not breakup grief (which is no picnic – sorry to tell you this – you will experience a lot of this in the next 7 years) but real life-altering loss.

Let’s get back to plans. You had not really planned on your mother passing away in her sleep. Who does? Especially when she was 63? This was the person who taught you EVERYTHING. Speaking, walking, talking, eating – she taught you how to live! She was supposed to BE THERE at key moments in your life. Since her funeral, your world has forced you to move forward and you notice most of the people around you moving on. These people are well meaning, and their reaction is natural to them, just hard for you. So you have spent the past month “moving on.” You talk to a select few people who understand loss, and allow yourself to cry twice a day in privacy. The nights are the hardest.

What you need is a change. You had it all planned out. You had a great friend who suggested a trip to her parent’s beach house in Orange County. You made plans for a large group of girls to make the road trip and the night before you were scheduled to leave, the excuses arrived. Too busy. Too tired. Too much work. Too sick. It came down to just you and your original friend. When she called and said that she wasn’t sure if the trip was still going to happen, your heart sunk. You had really put a lot of hope into that trip and it looked pretty hopeless. In reality it wasn’t the trip – it was just an opportunity to go and forget about your new Mom-less life.

I am writing to you on that night. For you it was a breaking point, where you just didn’t know if you could suffer one more disappointment in your short little life. You just wanted to enjoy something again. This pseudo life that you had been living since your Mom’s passing was not welcome. You used to have a knack for enjoying things that were not the easiest – such as attending 4 high schools. But at this point, the knack was gone. You are currently praying for a miracle. Not even the trip – just for you to love your life again – whatever life it is – you just want to enjoy something. Eventually you fall asleep crying.

I wish I could have caught you before you feel asleep and told you how this was a turning point for you. Though you won’t realize it – that night was one of the lowest points in your life. Tomorrow you will take that road trip and you will remember how to laugh. You will remember that happiness does not occur with perfect plans – it is just being willing to enjoy moments. Moments like a blow-out on the 1-15 in Baker, CA, just a few days later. Turns out changing a tire has fun potential – who knew?

When you come home from this road trip, a few friends will literally answer your prayers and your last 2 months of college will be some of your greatest memories. They will be your personal angels – proof that Heavenly Father answers prayers. Proof that happiness is possible when our best plans are derailed.

I hate to tell you this – but things will never work out as you had imagined. Prepare yourself for all of your plans being “off track.” You aren’t going to be a girl that gets married by 25 and had a kid by 30. You are going to build a very lovely little single life for a number of years. Complete with good friends, multiple job and many adventures. Some of the adventures are dating – and most of them end poorly – but one of them turns out to be exactly what you needed, even though you didn’t realize it at the time. You even have a little Pride and Prejudice moment of your own with your love.

You regard your grief as a burden but you will realize in time what a blessing it is. Your grief will allow you to “mourn with those that mourn” and “comfort those that stand in need of comfort.” Although you never wanted to – you will now “get it” when someone experiences loss. You will cherish your family members even more than you thought was possible. And on some of those important days when you planned on your Mom attending – you will realize that she been right beside you all along.

Things have never been easy – while single and after marriage but I am fairly confident that they never will be easy. You had someone tell you once that, “happiness is a choice.” At the time, it sounded like crazy-talk but it turns out that happiness – no matter what your situation in life – is simply a choice. It doesn’t come from road trips or fun, it comes from conscious choice. Keep on choosing happiness and things will work out just fine. I promise.

love, nikki

Amy

2009-06-23T07:18:00.000-07:00

To me at 24,

You are so young right now and you think you are so old. You have experienced so many great things already and have made so many wonderful friends. You can’t imagine now that you will cherish some of these friendships forever. So many people come and go, in and out of your life, but those relationships that you nurture will turn out to be the very ones that will carry you through countless years of trials and difficult changes. I want you to always work at being your best version of yourself, which by the way, will not be an easy task.

The word “friend” to you has a positive connotation and you like having a lot of friends around you, but you will be amazed at what the word “friend” will mean to you later in life. Your good friends will become your closest and most important confidants. You will go through everything with them and they will see the good and bad in you and love you the same. You will turn to them for virtually everything and you will be amazed at the ways they continually come through for you. In many ways, these seem to be the only people that really “get you” and that’s okay. Don’t feel bad that you are closer to your girlfriends than you are to your own sisters. Your sisters are wonderful and unique and very different from you, but you will learn over the next 10 years that they will always have your back and they fulfill a role that no one else can.

Learn now to cut people some slack. Decide right now not to take offense to everything. You spent your teen years choosing to be hurt by so many people. It’s almost like you were looking to be offended. STOP taking things so personally. People do not generally mean harm. People just say stupid things and do stupid things and pass judgment on your stupidities. It will take you the next several years to really master this concept, but you will become pretty good at cutting slack and at forgiveness. Forgive your parents now. They love you and want the best for you and their lives don’t revolve around you. That’s right – it’s hard to imagine it, but they are barely surviving their own life struggles.

You are a truth-seeker and you will become even more of one as you get older. You want so badly to know what it is you are supposed to be doing at all times, but that burning question will almost always haunt you. You won’t really ever feel entirely confident in what you are doing in this life. A matter of fact, you will learn to question everything. This is what you do not know right now, but boy how I wish you did: you already have the answers within you to most of life’s questions. That’s right – you have an incredible sense of natural knowing. Trust yourself that when things feel good, go forward and when things don’t feel good, make a change.

Oh, and speaking of change, you think you are so strong and independent right now. Wrong again! You are vulnerable and scared and insecure and you hate change. It seems that everyone around you is changing and you are just standing still. That’s why you just quit your job and went back to school. This is one the best things you will ever do. I hate to tell you now though that it will take you 17 years to get your undergrad. It’s true, just accept it now and don’t worry about the traditional timetable.

Take risks! Don’t live the safe life. The safe life literally takes you nowhere. It is only in the risk-taking and in trusting in yourself that you learn to feel good. Your life will not be anything like you are imagining right now. You have such high hopes for the amazing things you will do. The truth is you will do some wonderful things, but you might as well throw the expectations of “amazement” out the window right now. Most of what you will consider disappointments in your life will be a result of the expectations you set early on. Oh how I wish you could just go with the flow, but I’m here to tell you that you don’t ever really become a go-with-the-flow- kind of person.

Just a couple more things: Some of your worst fears at this moment in time will come true. You will be single when you turn 30. Your niece will get married before you. Your parents will get divorced. Your friends will move away and not need you anymore. You will not do anything with your degree. You will continue to struggle with your weight. Sorry to break it to you now; I know how afraid you are of all these things, but it will all be okay. Really. It will all be okay. The fear is much worse than the reality.

Go easy on yourself. Decide now that you are pretty and don’t forget it. Look in the mirror more. Somewhere along the way you stopped doing that. Take care of yourself and your body. You can’t imagine at this time that you will be a diabetic on insulin in just a few short years from now. You’ve always been good at staying out of debt, but that will change when you start a business. It’s okay – it’s not the end of the world, even though your dad always said it was. Serve others. You will learn over the next 10 years how much joy this brings you. Find ways to make a difference in others’ lives – it will make all the difference in yours. Don’t worry that life turns out entirely differently than you planned – it’s full of wonderful surprises.

Jenni

2009-06-22T06:33:00.000-07:00

Dear 25 year old me,

Right now you are a nervous wreck. It is 3 am, and in your arms you are holding a beautiful little baby girl, just days old. She is crying, and so are you because you don’t know what to do. I think you’ve probably slept an average of maybe 3 hours a night in the past 4 days. You knew it would be hard, you knew you would be sleep deprived, but you had no idea what that all meant for your mental state. You’ve heard about post-partum depression, but you never thought it would happen to you. You love that baby girl with all your heart, but right now you are angry. Angry that she won’t sleep. Angry that your husband gets to sleep because you are nursing and that’s the only way you can calm her down. Angry that you are so depressed and you don’t know how to break the cycle.

A mere 5 years from now you will have not 1, but 2 beautiful children and another on the way. Motherhood will still be stressful and difficult, but will also be the greatest adventure and source of joy in your life.

I know you don’t want to talk to the doctor about your problems right now, but you need to. What you think you can handle on your own, you cannot. You need medical help. Your sweet husband can only do so much, and this is taking it’s toll on him too. Please get help. It’s okay to admit you need it. Don’t pretend to have it all together, it doesn’t mean you are weak or that you are not a good mother. What you don’t realize right now is that if you don’t get help it will take much longer to get over this than you think. Trust me, I learned the hard way. That sweet little girl you hold in your arms deserves a happy mother. Do all that you can to give her that.

In 5 years that little baby will be a beautiful little girl. She loves and adores you and looks up to you so much. She will be smart and kind and obedient and the two of you will be closer than you could imagine. She will be more than you could ever hope for. Do her and yourself a favor and get the help you need. You can do this! You are stronger than you know.

J

Shawna in Minneapolis

2009-06-18T09:42:00.000-07:00

Dear 20 year old me –

I know you feel like you are drowning. The last year has been one of the most difficult years of your life. I know you’ll never forget the day that you learned she was gone. It doesn’t seem right, it just doesn’t seem fair. Nineteen year old girls are not supposed to die. Nineteen year old girls that are beautiful and vivacious and filled with so much life shouldn’t have their stories splashed all over Unsolved Mysteries. She was your friend and you miss her.

I know you feel unsafe. I know you are angry with God and struggling with your faith. I know you are being reckless and making bad choices. I know your heart is breaking after falling in love with the wrong person, and knowing that you need to let that person go. It feels like everything around you is heartache, and you are struggling to see any light at the end of the tunnel.

I want you to know there is light at the end of the tunnel – and so much hope. You are angry with God – and that is okay. God is big enough to take your anger, and as a very wise man is going to tell you, your anger is encouraging because it means there is a relationship there (you can’t mad at someone you believe doesn’t exist…right?). You have some pretty fantastic friends, and they will help you get through this dark time in your life. You are going to come out of this with a faith that is pretty amazing – as a matter of fact (I don’t want to scare you or anything) but your faith will eventually influence your career choices, and you will absolutely love your job.

Eventually they will solve this case, and justice will be served – and you will find that although you will never forget, you will be able to forgive. This will be key in your healing process. In addition, you will know how important it is to stay connected to those people who are important to you, so you never have any regrets. There will even be new social networking tools that will help you do this ( and drain a lot of your time) in the future! : )

As for the boy, you will spend a lot of time worrying about this and this particular relationship. Believe me the sooner you can let it go the happier you will be. God has great things in store for you – including a much healthier relationship and some pretty terrific kids, but you have to be open to it – and that means getting rid of all the other relationship stuff you are holding onto first. Believe me you won’t be sorry!

Take care, I’m looking forward to what the future holds for both of us,

Me at 34

D in Utah

2009-06-17T06:49:00.000-07:00

Dear 16-year old me,

Oh, little girl, you’re still so young and so innocent. You just got to college and there are so many new things to try, people to meet, and who are all these cute boys?! Do you remember when you thought it would be fun to make a list of twenty-six guys you had liked in your young life? You were going to name off a different crush for every letter of the alphabet. That was a fun little exercise, but I think it illustrates an embarrassing point that you and I have both been very reticent to admit: we’re a little boy crazy.

And you know, embarrassing or not, I’m not going to take that from you. You’re actually very lucky that you have the ability to love so easily—because you do really love most of them. You have the potential to love in such a childlike way—innocent, trusting, hopeful, with all your heart. Most people tend to be more guarded in the way that they love, having been shaped by pain and hurt throughout the years. You, sweet girl, are so naïve in your affection: “Here I am, world, and I love you!”

But you’re also gonna have times when you’ll feel a lot of pain from your relationships (or the demise thereof). Sometimes that hurt will be so excruciating that you’ll want to shut your heart off. Don’t do it. Shutting off would change something so fundamental to who you are as a person. Stay you. Even when you feel tempted to do it, don’t let yourself become jaded, don’t be bitter, don’t be sarcastic. When you notice yourself behaving that way, shake it off. Be positive. Be hopeful. Stay open and vulnerable. Pain is a natural part of life and love. You’ll see that by letting yourself stay vulnerable, you’ll be open to pain but you’ll also be open to truly love and be loved. And that ability to love so easily will serve you well over the next several years as you’re able to impact the lives of so many friends who feel that you truly love them.

And don’t worry. It’s not like you’ll be an open target. As time goes on and you have more experiences dating, loving, and losing, you’ll learn to do a better job of navigating relationships and you’ll learn who you can trust and with what part of you they can be trusted.

But a few words of caution: romantic love can be all-consuming, but there is more to life than this. There are more noble pursuits than the attention of some man you barely know. There are higher, more wonderful things to be experienced than orgasms. I know you just want a boyfriend and you want so badly to feel loved, but…life is more than this. And until you learn that, you’re going to make a lot of mistakes. You’re going to date a lot of the wrong guys. You’re going to shed a lot of tears. And I’m sorry to say, you’re going to have a few times when life seems really dark and you’ll feel like you’ve hit rock bottom. But you know what, sitting on this side of another 16 years, I can tell you that you’re going to be fine. In fact, you’re going to be great! Don’t be so hard on yourself and don’t let your mistakes define you. Learn from them.

Stay away from the jerks. Turn around, walk away, and don’t look back. Some of the other heartbreaks though…a few of those guys will actually become some of your closest friends. It’s going to work out. You’ll start to recognize those things in life that mean more to you than the rush of a new fling: serving others in a truly selfless way, getting to know your parents as people, hearing the words, “I love you, Auntie,” knowing and feeling very powerfully that God loves you and knows you as an individual. And you’re going to meet so many amazing people whom you will adore. AND you’re going to go to grad school! (I know! Sometimes I STILL can’t believe we did it!) Your life is going to be so rich and wonderful. You’re gonna be fine. And you know what, little D, although you’ll still be single at 32, you’re going to feel so loved, so happy, so blessed, and you’ll look at all that God has given you and sincerely feel, “I could not ask for more.” (But…if God sends tall, dark, and handsome my way, I ain’t gonna turn him down.)

Love,

D at 32

Marissa in Boston

2009-06-16T11:10:00.000-07:00

Dear childhood me,

There's something I've always wanted to tell you.

Don't you worry about a thing, little girl. Everything is gonna to be just fine.

I think deep down you do kinda know that. It's the "here and now" that aren't so fine for you. You know how you've always felt like you didn't quite fit in with the other kids? Well, honey, there's a part of you that will always feel that way. But you will learn to work with that reality. That part of you that is sensitive and quiet? Right now you think it only means you are weird and awkward, but you'll learn it also means you have an amazing ability to see things in people that others just can't. Do you love a little deeper than most? Yes, and that hurts, I know. But you also get the upside of the deeper love, which is, of course, deeper love.

Babycakes. I wish I could tell you that life was going to stop hurting. But it won't. You just aren't made that way. And later on, when you feel like you need to go on antidepressants? Please don't waste your energy feeling like a failure about it. You just go ahead and do what you need to do. You won't be on them forever. And speaking of college, don't even waste a moment wondering if the next guy you date will be "that guy" for you. He's not, and ah, the adventures you would miss if he were.

And I'll give you a hint (though I really hate to ruin the surprise): he's nothing like what you expect.

Little me, you are OK. You are beautiful. You are so smart! And funny! And just because you tend to befriend girls who overshadow you doesn't mean you are, in reality, less than they are. In fact, I'd say that just about 100% of the time, you are so much better equipped for life, for marriage, for motherhood than those friends of yours with all the attention.

Don't waste energy on judgment. It has never suited you, and it never will. Just be and let be. You will be so happy. There is marriage and motherhood lying before you, and those two things will be more than you hoped they would be. At every point in life be sure to leave your heart open to love in all its forms, and though that will inevitably cause you some pain, your life will be so full that you will never for one second wonder if you are loved. And one day you will be following your crawling little baby around the house and be completely undone by the abundance in your life.

There will be plenty of love to go around. So much laughter and so much love.

It's gonna be fantastic.

Marissa

Reply Forward

Letter to Michelle in MA at age 21 from age 33

2009-06-15T06:54:00.000-07:00

Dear younger me,

Don't worry that you didn't get into vet school. I know you've been planning for it your whole life, well at least since your were 5 years old, and you don't know what to do now. Everything you have done as a teenager and young-adult has been in preparation to become a veterinarian and now you wonder about all of this wasted effort. You've been crying and angry and depressed. But, you have recently written in your journal that you said a prayer asking God to be in control of the admissions boards so that if you aren't meant to go, you won't make the wrong decision.
It's funny that you are even thinking that it is a "decision to make" after all you've done to prepare. It's strange you are even thinking that you "aren't meant to go" after it has been your perceived destiny for your whole life. You have quickly forgotten that you said that prayer and you have completely ignored that it was answered. Good thing you wrote it down. Your 33 year-old self read your journal the other day and couldn't believe what she read. She had totally forgotten about it too, but now that 12 years have passed, she knows exactly why you are receiving the rejection and waiting list letters. Don't be tempted to go for that waiting list application. Let it go. You're supposed to be with David and if you go to vet school, you won't be with him. He'll slip through your life and become a boyfriend of the past, and you'll never know what it is you were really supposed to do. God knew you wouldn't make the right decision if you got the acceptance letter. He would have let you make it, but, you asked Him to intervene. He did. You asked Him for help. He helped you. Your answer was NO. Getting that answer really sucks, but you'll get over it. And, you'll even be glad for it later.
The first years of your marriage are going to be rough. You'll wonder if you've made the right decision. You and David have so many differences to work out. You'll watch your little sister, your best friend, move away and you'll think your world has ended. You'll wait 6 years to have kids. THIS is the RIGHT decision. You need this time to figure out your relationship with David before your attention is completely focused on little ones. But, your reward for the right decisions is coming.
By age 33, you will have two little DARLING girls. They are better than anything you could dream of; they are better than horses, better than sisters, better than best friends. I know you've actually never had "being a mommy" on your list of "must-do" things in your life, but it will be the coolest thing you ever do and you won't believe how much you like doing it. It will also be the hardest thing you ever do and you won't believe you have what it takes. But, you do. You'll appreciate everything in life more because of it. You have no idea what kind of guy David is until you see him be a Daddy. But, trust me, you picked the right one. He is the best Daddy you could ever hope to have for your little girls. He is your new best friend. He is your rock. You have forged such a common goal in life after almost 12 years of marriage that you hardly ever disagree anymore and a big fight is extremely rare. Your sisters, all of them, are also your best friends, and although lots of moving has happened, and you don't live close to any of them anymore, they are always right there. Life is good. Don't fear. Things work out. All those years of vet school preparation weren't wasted either. You spent your time doing things you loved and you will continue to do so. I see you, right now, in your concert t-shirt with your long hair in 2 braids coming to David's house to show him your rejection letters. Cry on David's shoulder for a while about your letters, but then, let it go. And, stay with him.

love,
Michelle

Marla in Salt Lake

2009-06-12T07:47:00.000-07:00

Letter to myself:
So, I know you’re getting ready for the biggest night of your life: your first dance. I mean how lucky can you be to turn 14 on the same day you get to go to the dance. And I know its black, red and white night. And I know you have your eyes on a couple of boys already. You have waited so long for this and can’t wait to flirt with those boys! Do it!! Have fun!! But, let me give you just a few suggestions about the whole boy thing. You are not going to marry any of them! Get this into your head now or else you’ll spend the next 10 years (that’s right 10 years) of your life asking yourself if this boy or that boy is the “one” for you. I’m telling you now: NO! So stop worrying about it.

Now, don’t worry. You do end up getting married. And to the most amazing person in the world. He is perfect for you, and so completely different from your image of him right now. So don’t go looking for him. He will find you. In fact, you’re not even going to want to date this boy at first.

But, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go out there and have fun and date. By all means, enjoy this time. It’s a blast! Date as much as you can. (Although I would stay away from that one boy in college who takes you to the basketball game. That one is totally not worth it.) But just have fun and don’t worry so much about getting serious.

You know what is more important than all these boys – your girlfriends, including your sisters. Pay more attention to them. They are the ones who will always be there for you. There will be many boys and lots of tears. But the constant thing in your life will be your girlfriends. The thing is, you can learn so much more from these girls than all those boys you end up kissing. (Yes, don’t get too excited but you will end up kissing, a lot). So instead of being worried about what these boys think of you and if they like you, (they either do or they don’t) try and build lasting relationships with your girlfriends. Listen to them and don’t just talk about boys. Talk about your goals and your dreams for the future. Forget about yourself and all those boys that you think are sooo cute. You are an amazing person no matter what any boy thinks of you. And your friends love you no matter what, so love them back more.
For now, get that eyeliner going, the hair teased up a little bit more, and don’t forget to run through that musk perfume. It’s a great night. “He” will be waiting for you ten years down the road. So leave all these boys in the dust and dance it up!!!

Love,
Marla

Katie in Chicago

2009-06-11T07:50:00.000-07:00

Dear my 20 year old self,

You just finished packing up your car and are ready to make the trip back to Ohio. The feelings you have right now, you will experience many times over the next 10 years. You continue to make life changing decisions in your quest to challenge yourself and find out what your purpose is on this Earth. Luckily, in 10 years, I think you are pretty close to figuring it out.

But, guess what? You are not married, you do not have 7 children, you are not teaching high school math, you live in Texas, and you eat vegetables. And not just the fried ones, the real raw veggies, and you like them.

After trying out many careers, you find one that you are passionate about. So passionate, you will be paying for that graduate school diploma until you are 55.

The good part, though, you are really good at what you do and people in your field respect you and your opinion. You will work with terminally and critically ill patients. You will cry when you first experience the death of a patient. You will lose many patients. One day you realize, as you delete a patient from your list, that you do not cry anymore. You believe it should hurt just as bad as it did the first time, every time. You turn to God for guidance and answers. And, of course, He delivers.

The next 10 years are exciting but life is not perfect at 30…you now have image issues. You have always had all of the confidence in the world, maybe even too much at times. I have always thought this has contributed to your success. Unfortunately, you overhear someone you love call you unattractive. It breaks you. You have heard your whole life that you are beautiful but you can’t seem to forget the one time someone told you different. You will struggle with this every day for years. Your family and friends are there to put you back together, you need to let them. That day your heart breaks, you need to walk away and never look back.

Because of this experience, you’ll have great relationships with stand up guys that you sabotage because you don’t believe they are really attracted to you. When it comes time to define the relationship, you bail or push them away until they leave you. You think you are saving yourself from heartbreak. Newsflash, it hurts just as badly if you define it or not. Let people love you.

Some things are still the same. You still hate cats. You still cry when your mom cries. You still fight for the underdog. You still want straight hair and a tan. You still pray everyday. You still have friends that make you laugh harder than you ever thought possible.

Even though you are enjoying life at 30, you still want some of those things you dreamed about when you were little. I guess we’ll both have to wait and see what happens. For now, you are happy with your life and happy with your self.

Good luck over the next 10 years. Sit back and enjoy your ride to Ohio. You just made one of the best decisions of your life.

Cheers,

Your 30 year old self

Tali in Cleveland

2009-06-10T08:09:00.000-07:00

Dear Tali,
You have just turned eighteen, and college is looming. People will tell you college will be infinitely better than high school, but don’t believe them. This is not to say that you won’t love your college years, I would just encourage you to soak up these last months at home. And don’t feel bad for crying when you leave home, because those last moments with your family that morning will be among the sweetest memories you will ever make.

And as long as we’re talking about emotion, I want you to know that you shouldn’t avoid it. It’s okay to cry. I know you feel the need to protect yourself by being tough, by avoiding anything that exposes your true feelings, but let me tell you from experience, you’ll wind up with an enormous amount of regret if you do this. So share your testimony often, even if you have to blubber through it. Go say goodbye to Shaun, even if you are a few states away and in the middle of finals. Yes, you would cry like a baby to see him so sick, but if it were you, you know you’d want him there. And if you don’t go, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. That I can promise you. Dance with your brother at his wedding, even if there is no friend beside you to talk you into it. Sure, you might cry, because you love him more than anyone, because he is your miracle, and because it’s hard to let go, but it will be worth it. I can promise you that, too.

You are an incredibly caring person, and with that comes a tendency to want to help others who are struggling. This impulse is not a bad one, but it can get you into trouble if you aren’t careful. Remember that you can always walk away. Remember that not everyone can be helped. And remember that the person whose sanity is the most important is your own. The minute you feel yourself becoming less than the person you know you are, have a cry, cut them loose, and move on with your life. You’ll need this advice in both relationships and friendships, so please take it to heart.

And finally, a word or two about love. People are all sure you’ll marry fast, and while you are almost showy in your disagreement, you actually hope they are right. There will come a moment this summer when you realize that you could be married by this time next year. It will fill you with a sense of privilege and maturity. But let me just give you some advice right now and tell you that you will not get married as soon as you are hoping. You’ll have to trust in the Lord’s timetable, and this will not always be easy, but it will be essential. You will accomplish much in your single years, and too much discouragement will keep you from fully reaching your potential.

There are so many good things in your life, both then and now. Enjoy them, express gratitude for them, and if nothing else, write them down.

I’m pulling for you,
Tali, age 27

K in San Diego

2009-06-09T09:02:00.000-07:00

Dear Me at 16,

You know all too well the mantra of “progress, not perfection,” though I can’t think of a time when you settled for anything but perfection. Well, prepare yourself now, because the next 10 years will be far less than perfect.
But they will also form you. Right now your mind is filled with abstract hopes and dreams of a life you have not yet experienced. Ironically, ten years later you’ll long for the optimism, hope and yearning that comes from that same inexperience. Appreciate it now – it will never come back.

You have no idea how strong you are. You are dependent, obedient, meek. But you will have experiences that you are positive will break you. They won’t. Instead, they will cement in you a power of survival that you will take with you throughout your life. But remember that you’re not all strength and steel. You’re also flesh and blood and soul, and most importantly – a woman. You will learn to be vulnerable again, and realize in time that softness is not weakness.

You are a people-pleaser. Don’t let go of this charitable attitude but take care to look out for yourself as well as others, and accept that some people – especially men – will ask too much of you. Free yourself of obligation.

You are smart – so much smarter than you give yourself credit for. What was once your greatest pride will slowly shift as you become more concerned with your beauty, image and the pleasure of being ‘liked.’ I wish, wish wish you wouldn’t shadow your intellect with your image. Don’t completely replace a library with a gym, or a museum with a mall. Your mind is your greatest gift. I wish we had appreciated it more.

I wish I could tell you more, but I’m only ten years ahead. I’m optimistic for the future, and I feel content with the person we have become. She is strong but fragile, charitable yet assured, and always working to improve herself - body, mind and spirit. We have created an impressive woman.
Thank you for your dreams. We’re getting there.

K

Katie in New Orleans

2009-06-08T06:02:00.000-07:00

Dear me as a high school senior,

You once wrote a letter to the eighteen-year-old you when you were only 11. You had outlined your future goals to accomplish by 18 – in school, in love, with long hair, and a famous actress (?!). You were supposed to open the letter on your 18th birthday, but you couldn’t wait. You opened it earlier and felt a little sad that you hadn’t met your goals. You were still in school, obviously, because you were a senior in high school (funny how old 18 seemed as an 11-year-old), but your hair was still short (always has been, and I suspect, it always will be), and you had not yet been in love. You had transferred your acting dreams to writing, but still in that vague kind of way.

You spent much of your senior year stressed about college and applications and grades and wondering if you were good enough. You spent most of the time writing really bad poetry on scraps of paper and staring out windows with affected melancholy because you thought it made you somehow more interesting. I wish I could tell you that being aloof wasn’t the answer, but you will learn several years later the joy of engaging with all different kinds of people. At 18, you thought small talk was “trite.” You will learn that all talk is a way to connect and understand people.

You once spent an evening watching Tommy Boy and refusing to laugh because the movie was “pedestrian.” You had some strict ideas about what kinds of things were worth your time, and they generally included only movies based on literature or with corsets. I’m relieved to tell you that was just a phase. (Although, you would probably be ashamed at how much reality tv you end up watching.) But I wish you hadn’t wasted so much time taking yourself too seriously.

You are 18, and you desperately want to leave Utah and go to a small liberal arts college. So desperately that you turn down scholarships and take out loans to do so, only to discover it wasn’t what you really wanted after all. That’s ok. You are 18, and you will make mistakes. Let yourself explore new things and don’t define yourself before actually getting to know yourself. And guess what, you will continue to learn new things about yourself all the time.

Love,

Your older (but not wiser) self.

Jess in Salt Lake

2009-06-05T17:10:00.000-07:00

Dear Me at 23,

I know, I know, I’m only 10 years older than you. I can’t really know that much more than you do, right? Because you think you pretty much have things figured out, I know.

I just want to tell you that you actually made some good choices these last couple of years. You have learned that there are so many good people around you. Some of these friends in your little apartment complex right now are treasures you actually get to hang on to. Lucky you! You are learning that there is not only one “right way” to do life. There are so many different choices and time frames and combinations. What you are starting to figure out is that you can be a good person, and a good member of the church without structuring your life just like someone else. Many different roads led your friends to this spot you are at, and each road was different.

You have struggled with deciding if you are ready to start a family. You are not. Nobody is ready. But I will say that waiting a few years was a really good idea for you. This was a difficult decision for you to make. It seemed like for a while there you felt like you “should” have a baby. You prayed and pondered and then decided to wait. So good job for doing what YOU thought was best, not what someone else thought was best. I wish I did that more these days. There are some serious road blocks, speed bumps and potholes on your road and the little foundation you have been working on is just barely going to get you through. I don’t want to scare you, but in the next 6 years, you will question your faith, strength, marriage, and mental status. You will cling to the bits you can, and you will get through these years mostly intact, but chubbier. Ease up on the ice cream. You needed a few years of married life before taking on children.

Also in the next 6 years, you will experience such joy you can’t even believe it. Babies fast and furious. Six years from now, my younger, not-even-pregnant-yet-self, you will be done having kids. And you will know for sure about that one too. You will have had many precious moments, many opportunities to build up your faith and strength. That goofy guy you married is a dang good father and he will save your bacon many times, and will encourage you and love you. Forgive him when he struggles, and return the support he gives you. Also, your kids are beautiful and they will need a lot of sunscreen.

So, all this to say, the decisions you make this year are good ones. You did well, you chose right for YOU. Try to have a little more confidence in yourself, you are stronger than you think you are. Ten years later, I am still working on this, but trial and error have showed me that trusting myself usually works out OK.
And I know you can’t even wrap your head around this one, but you are moving to Utah soon. And you will still be there at my age. Even though it pains me to admit it, turns out that the decision to come here was a pretty good one too.
Love,
Jess -33

C in Southern California

2009-06-04T17:48:00.001-07:00

Dear Me at 14,

You’re in high school – woo hoo! But here’s the rub, high school sucks. And why does it suck? Because you make it suck. All those years of watching Grease and reading Sweet Valley High have built up expectations in you that can never be fulfilled. High school is just a tiny blip in your life, and nothing that happens there is really that important. You don’t have to be popular, a cheerleader, homecoming queen, go to every dance, date a football player, or even date at all. You just have to be yourself. Be happy. Be that wonderful, easy-going, understanding person that everyone relates to and can talk to. You aren’t defined by your friends; you’re defined by who you are. So go ahead and be friends with the druggies, the nerds, the band geeks, even a few cheerleaders. And don’t feel like you have to hide those friendships. Just relax, stop trying so hard to be someone you’re not. Because who you are is pretty awesome! Yeah, you’re shy and awkward in group situations. But that’s only because you’re so concerned about what everyone else thinks of you. And guess what – they’re not thinking of you! They’re thinking of themselves, only themselves, and how awkward and shy they feel. So just go with it, have fun. You’re going to have so many wonderful experiences that you’ll remember forever, don’t stress about the small stuff. Oh and by the way, you’re not fat, not chubby, really not even overweight. I don’t know where you got it in your head that you were some big fatso, probably from your parent’s misguided attempts to encourage healthy eating by telling you “you don’t want to end up fat like Jenny!” (who, I must stress, is not fat either). Yeah, you’re not a size two like some of your friends. But trust me, they would exchange their skinny arms & legs for your curves any day. The only beauty tip I would give you is that it’s time to grow out those bangs. And be patient with the braces, they’re well worth the pain.

I know the next four years are going to be tough, and you’re going to make some mistakes. You’ll make a lot of friends; you’ll lose a few friends. But it’s okay. You’re okay. And the best years of your life are still ahead of you. So just roll with it, and have fun.
Love,

Me at 32

Megan in Utah

2009-06-03T13:22:00.000-07:00

Dearest me,

You’re standing in the bathroom, scared as hell, holding a positive pregnancy test in your hand. Yes you’re married. But no, you weren’t exactly planning on motherhood just yet. You’re terrified. And you’ve learned that it does matter if you forget to take The Pill for a day (maybe 2? 3? Oops.)

But calm down little girl. Wipe the tears off your face. And think about that little kid growing inside you. A little kid (a girl!) who will to love you more than anybody else. A girl who will run to find you first thing every morning. A girl who will cuddle with you for stories every night. A girl who will learn from you, depend on you, and frustrate you. But a girl that will awaken a piece of your heart that you didn’t know you had.

You’re scared. You’re in the middle of your last semester of college. Your husband has at least 2 years of school as well. You’re poor. You’re really poor. And what about the teaching career you’ve dreamed of since you were just a kid yourself? You feel like you’re losing a part of yourself--sacrificing your body, your brain, your ambition. How can you be a mother? Feed, clothe, clean, teach, carry a child? You can’t even take care of yourself (see what you did with The Pill?) how can you take care of a baby?

Megan, you can be a mother. And you will be a mother---a mother who will cuddle and nurse and rock her baby just like mothers have from the beginning. You will be imperfect. You will worry, oh you will worry, but you will raise that baby the best you know how. And “the best you know how” will be more than good enough.

So, go tell that good husband of yours the good news. Because it is good news. A baby is great news. And go blow your last 5 bucks on some ice cream. Being a mom rocks.

Love,
Me

P.S. Should I also warn you about the twins you’ll have after that little girl? You’ll do okay by them, too.

Carrie in Southern California

2009-06-01T20:24:00.000-07:00

Dear young self – I think you are about thirty,

Maybe you should miss work today because things won’t go so well. You have been working at one of those big corporations for several years now. Corporations give you the opportunity to work with many types of people and grow from the experience. Some of those people you will enjoy and some will challenge you on many levels. Today is a test and you don’t pass.

For several years you and a co-worker have shared different parts of a job. You guys are really different making some days exciting for the difference and others frustrating. Over the years your co-worker has been pretty hard to take on many occasions. Being one to just go along you have practiced and perfected the art of turning the other cheek. This art has been practiced in many remote parts of the world, in front of other people and at social outings. But not today!

Today you wake up stressed with impending deadlines and that is not an excuse. You have a meeting in an open studio with other designers. While discussing an important design decision your co-worker pipes up about you not having a good taste level. You stop and look her up and down. The woman is actually wearing a short black skirt with red and white striped tights. The ensemble is capped off with a yes a cap, a fuzzy sweater and short boots. So here is the mistake, you say, “All this from the woman whose design inspiration is the Cat in the Hat.” Seriously, all the air sucked out of the room. People are laughing and dead quite at the same time. Well, Ms. Seuss storms away and you are left realizing that comment only felt good for a second.

If you get the chance, keep turning the other cheek. You will have to see the Cat in the Hat forever. You two would not have been close friends but cats don’t forget. It would be much easier to see Ms. Seuss and ask about her family or even just say hi. Also, it doesn’t feel good to be mean period!

love,
carrie

Ashley in Salt Lake

2009-05-31T20:38:00.000-07:00

A letter at graduation

Dear Me at 18,

It’s weird to write this letter to you here, knowing that now I am facing graduation of my own seniors. I see in them much of what I saw in you—naïveté, precociousness, wit, intellect, self-consciousness, and trepidation. I see their joy in finding out where they’re going to school, the excitement of planning the next phase of their lives, and I remember that with you, too. I’m proud of you for taking the leap to go out of state to school, even if it is a small Idaho town, and it wasn’t your first choice. And you’ll find that a lot of the naïveté will give you a chance for growth—you’ll learn that life on your own is different that you thought, and you’ll meet people that, inexplicably, won’t like you. For no reason. Sadly, they’re your roommates. Just roll with the metaphorical punches and you’ll be stronger because of it. What will matter most to you there will be the chance to work on a college paper, and some of the people who will shape you for the rest of your life will be there. This experience will override the Idaho, the lame roommates, the fact that you can’t wear shorts on campus, and it will change you for the better.

And then will come Provo, a totally different kind of experience. I hate to burst your bubble, but it won’t be the end-all, be-all kind of experience you had pictured for yourself. You won’t date like those girls; you won’t look like those girls. And you know what? It’s ok. I would also like to warn you that big, curly hair is not the way to go and wish you could find a flatiron earlier on, but do what you can to work it out. It sucks to be self-conscious, and at a school like BYU, it feels kind of like high school. Just know you’re great, and the few extra pounds that come in and out of your life do not define you. I wish I could tell you that you’ll stop worrying about what other people think of you. For the most part, you will, but it’s something you’ll struggle with off and on, along with your weight. It is what it is, but there’s more to life than that, and you’ll figure it out. You’ll still date boys—very specifically, one wrong boy—but you’ll learn from your experiences and have some fun and a fair amount of heartbreak along the way. So it’s ok you haven’t kissed anyone by graduation—you’ll make up for it shortly.

I wish that I had more of you with me now. I’m not saying that I regret who I’ve become by any means, but you have so much faith and so much moxie—you always do the right thing, even when it is hard. Stay strong to who you are, and know that you’ll struggle from time to time, with faith, with church, with life, but that at your core, you will know who you are because you’ve worked to figure it out. That doesn’t mean it will be easy. You’ll think that you’ve taken the safe route by becoming a teacher, but then you’ll remember that it’s the most rewarding thing you’ve ever done, and that it’s something that matters. As you see them in their caps and gowns at graduation, you’ll know you’ve made a difference to them, which, in turn, has changed and affected you.

Part of me wishes I could tell you that your life would turn out the way you’d envisioned it, the way you’d written about it in Young Women’s. Well, it hasn’t, but that’s not a bad thing necessarily. You’re not married by twenty-five, you don’t have kids, and you spend more time than you’d like wondering sometimes if those things will happen. But it comes back to this: Life is still great, with amazing friends and family, with chances to travel and find adventures, and you’ve discovered that things happen on someone else’s timetable, not yours.

So with that, good luck on your graduation. Keep writing. You’ll realize at some point that you wish you’d kept up with it like you had at 18. Read deeply and widely. Search for new experiences. Keep listening to good music and good ideas. And know that the boy you are looking for at 18, you’re still looking for at 33, but now he’s grown up, just like you have, which makes you both so much more interesting.

--Ashley
Salt Lake City

Linda in Northern California

2009-05-30T07:55:00.000-07:00

When I was 16, my oldest brother died of cancer. I had always been taught in church that ‘families can be together forever’, but I remember truly wondering what that meant. Won’t my relationship with Brian be forever changed? Won’t we loose years of growing up together? What can really make up for that?

This letter is for my younger self- at sweet 16.

Dear Me,

First off, I’ll tell you that I still don’t have answers to all of your questions. But I can tell you that you’ll start to not be bothered by the unanswered ones. Having trust and faith in God will help. And it’s not ignorant faith, but faith that comes from experience. The faith of young people is so honest and whole-hearted, but usually hasn’t been tested yet. I was no exception at that age. But, I’ve found that experience has given me such a deep knowledge of myself and of God. You are stronger than you think.

By now, I’ve written about 3 versions of this letter as it’s been harder to write than I anticipated. The first version had a lot of advice that I’d like to give myself, so I want to include some of that here. Some of the advice is particular to me and my weaknesses. Some of it is because if I had it to do over again, I’d hope I’d make some changes. Those aren’t so much regrets (as I’ve learned a lot from my mistakes), but just knowledge that I have now that I would’ve used in my teenage years and beyond. So, here goes:

Let me reassure you that you will grow out of teenage acne (or rather, that eventually you’ll have the money and good health care to pay for the drugs to fix that problem).

You won’t be a mom in your 20’s. Reject, mourn, accept, get on with it.

You will be 30 and single and still attractive and fabulous and your family will think you’re super cool- and not a horrible old maid!

You will have so many good guy friends. Like, really good guy friends that you feel deeply for. They will fill a need in your life. Start now in cherishing friends and in keeping in touch. You need to be socially connected to survive.

Do a double major in school- music can only get you so far and guess what? You’re gonna have a career. I really great, amazing, make-lots-of-money career.

Your mom will be your best friend always.

You have an amazing thin body right now, so enjoy it! It won’t be easy to be thin forever. And, know that you’re beautiful in your uniqueness. Enjoy being different.

Don’t wait to kiss someone- there are lots of guys worth kissing, so try it out. It won’t be such a big deal latter on.

Well, my younger self, your life will be totally different than what you’ve envisioned. There will be true and deep sorrow, but also amazing opportunities, deep connections with friends, and lasting bonds with family that cannot be broken. It will be so much better than you now have planned.

love,
Linda

A series, from Jamie in India

2009-05-29T07:51:00.000-07:00

Dear Me at 18,

You’ve been so focused and worked so hard to ensure you have the grades for a good scholarship to BYU. You’ve joined clubs, held leadership roles in those clubs and competed in everything you could to fill your portfolio and win that scholarship. So I know how disappointed you were when that disappointing letter arrived.

What you don’t know yet, is using that scholarship to SUU is one of the best things you’ll ever do. There you’ll discover great professors who will inspire you and the types of friends who will stick with you for a lifetime. You’ll walk away at graduation knowing you were exactly where you belonged – even if it wasn’t what you planned.

Dear Me at 25,

I know it’s been hard watching your classmates find jobs in cities or with companies where you were hoping to go. Graduation is just around the corner and you thought by now you’d know what was next in life.

When you agree to that last minute interview trip to Dallas, I know you don’t think much will come of it; and I know Dallas isn’t your dream city. So you are going to be shocked when they offer you the job on the spot.

Go ahead, tell them yes. What you don’t know yet is that you will enjoy life as a Texan and the opportunities that are coming will change your career path and prepare you for something very exciting. So, say yes, pack up and move to Texas – even if it wasn’t what you planned.

Dear Me at 29,

You are nearing the end of what is likely to be the best job you’ll ever have, and luckily, you recognize it and have cherished every single minute. Being a part of the Olympics is something so few people get to experience and to do so at home makes it doubly special.

As you look to the future I know you are worried about settling back into a job in the “regular world.” And I know you are uneasy about moving away from your family again, but what you don’t know yet is that you are going to love Seattle, you’ll feel more at home there than you’ve ever felt before. Your family will love visiting and will do so frequently; best of all you will meet some incredible people who will inspire you – in ways that you could never have planned.

Dear Me at 32,

I know the call came out of the blue; you were happy living live in Seattle with no plans for any moves or career changes. So when the call comes asking you to uproot your life and move to Rio de Janeiro, a place that you’ve never even been tempted to visit, you are, understandably, scared and excited. You’ve always wanted to live and work abroad, but Brazil is an unknown and you are very comfortable where you are.

What you don’t know yet is this change is going to change who you are at a fundamental level. After living and working in Brazil you will view the world and its citizens differently, you will be more compassionate, patient and flexible. Your world will be bigger and your confidence in your skills and abilities will grow in ways you couldn’t have imagined.

Be adventurous, put your condo on the market, quit your job, pack up your life and head to paradise – even if it wasn’t what you had planned.

Dear Me at 35,

Your adventure in Brazil some how morphed into a gig in India, something else you never saw coming. I know you spend a lot of time wondering if you are on track and what should be next on your life’s agenda, marriage, babies etc. I hope today you are finely wise enough to recognize the patterns of life and the lessons you’ve learned along the way.

Let go of your rigid plans- because what you don’t know now is that life has things in store for you that you simply don’t have the power or imagination to dream of today. There is no way the you at 17, who was worried about the college she was going to, could have imagined at 35 you’d be sitting in New Delhi doing a job you can’t even explain to most people. Let go of your preconceived notions of what you or your life should be and enjoy the adventures that come your way – you’ve yet to be disappointed.

Christy in Vegas

2009-05-28T07:50:00.000-07:00

Dear Creek,

Feels weird trying to give you advice as I'm pretty sure I'm the one who should be taking advice from you.

You're leaving for college in the morning. I know tonight feels like the end of life as you know it but I promise you (I PROMISE!) it only gets better from here. It sounds crazy now but pretty soon you will forget almost everyone from high school and the thing about it is... you won't even feel sad about it. Why? Because you are going to meet some amazing people and experience some amazing things.

It is sad to think about all the friends and acquaintances you will never see again and this will be a reoccurring theme as life goes on and you move from chapter to chapter. And even though life won't always turn out the way you'd hoped it would, you will always be blessed with great friends wherever you go and they will make every experience richer by their presence. Some will cross your path for only a short time and others will stay with you for life but rest assured, one constant in your life is fabulous friendships.

You are such a good person. It amazes me. As disappointing as it may sound, I wish I were half as good as you are. So, trust that you are good. Trust that you are great. One of the greatest days of your life is when you realize that you are great just the way you are. Forcing yourself to like Dave Matthews Band (at least more than you would on your own) just for the approval of a boy will one day seem just as absurd as confessing to the boy you like that you are a mega fan of Backstreet Boys (and seeing them in concert will, indeed, be one of the best nights of your life). Which leads me to the next thing I must tell you.

You aren't always going to make great decisions. There will be a lot of things you will be able to look back on and regret but you know what? Don't. Don't regret anything. Like the fact that your mantra in college will be "C's for degrees!" and you will heartily adhered to it? You won't have to regret that because college will be damn fun and the social and emotional education you get there will be worth more than a 4.0gpa any day. Be La Belle Dame Sans Regrets!

Now, having said that, pay attention to the most important piece of advice I will give you: Never underestimate yourself. Don't put limits on yourself. It'll take a lot of fear and a lot of difficult situations (ie training for a marathon) before you realize it but you are capable of WAY more than you give yourself credit for. You can do anything! It's amazing what dedication and consistent hard work will accomplish.

So there you have it. Go forward. Be brave. Be amazing. You already are. It's just time for you to believe it for yourself. Cheers!
xoxo,
the 31yr old version of you

M

2009-05-27T07:49:00.000-07:00

Dear Me,

You are twenty-four years old. It’s 1999. You are living in Chicago. You got on a plane in your home state of California, having never experienced an arctic temperature in your life, and you flew to Chicago on a bright January morning. Just the week before, you said goodbye to your fiancé of four and a half years.

Through almost all of college, you were with him. You loved each other. When you began dating him, he was picking you up from your parents’ home. When it was over, you were living on your own. In a very real way, you had no taste of how to be an adult without him next to you. Ten days after he drove away for the last time, you boarded a plane, heading to a place where no one knew you. You were numb when you boarded the flight. You were ready to fly away. You probably didn’t want to know anyone, anyway.

Right now you’re working two jobs, mostly to fill the emptiness eating you up inside. You’re biding your time. You’re freezing, because California stores don’t carry the kind of coat you need to endure a Chicago ice storm. You’re about to go through a very grueling and painful experience, without God, without friends, without family. This was by choice. Everything you believe has been severely tested, and now you want to do all the things they told you not to. Back home, under the watchful eye of so many who knew you, you wanted to do everything right. Now there are no eyes watching over you, no one knows who you are, and you don’t care anymore.

You’re just so sad, honey.
You’re all by yourself, going to see As Good As It Gets three weeks in a row on your Saturdays off. You practically live at the Brentano’s bookstore down the street. Your only conversations clocking in over five minutes are work-related. You’ve taken up smoking. Smoking! Not your brightest idea, kid. It’s going to take you four years to kick that nasty habit. Your grandpa asks you on the phone one day if you’ve heard from him. When you tell him you haven’t, he says “Then I guess he never really loved you.” You know he means well, but that just killed you all over again.

The upside is you’re writing some fierce poetry. You’ve taken up yoga, you got a cat (because they won’t let you have a dog), and you’ve been doing a lot of thinking.
I see you there, I remember it. Picturing you in your studio apartment, on your fold-out bed, wide awake at three a.m. staring at the ceiling, I imagine myself crawling in next to you. I lay my head on your shoulder, wrap one of my arms across your chest and watch your stomach rise and fall. I observe these quiet tears slipping out of the corner of your eye, sliding down to your ear. You have a sense of how this is changing you. But right now all you register is how it’s changing you for the worst. This is what I’d say to you: I love you. Everything’s going to be okay.

And it is.

I’m writing to let you know you made it. Broken and bruised, yes, but you made it. You came out the other end with a depth and a compassion that’s hard to explain. Ten years from now, when you hear a total stranger tell their story of heartbreak, you cry with them. You’ll know what to say to someone when they are all out of hope. You aren’t afraid to eat alone at a restaurant, or pick up and move to a new town when it feels like the right thing to do. You’ll know how to love somebody so much it hurts. And if that love leaves you, you know you’ll survive it. You’ll know that even when you stop believing in God, He never stops believing in you. You’ll know that in the moments when you’ve never felt more alone, you’ve learned a greater truth; He stands at your door and knocks. You will let Him in. You’ll know more about forgiveness, about giving away your broken, bitter heart, and how to ask for healing. You’ll know more about your own nothingness, and your infinite worth. Most importantly, you will know joy. Lots and lots of it. A happiness rooted in wisdom, sprung from struggle and strife. People might even ask you where your faith comes from. And then you’ll tell them this story.
I love you. Everything’s going to be okay.

M.

Monica in Utah

2009-05-26T07:48:00.000-07:00

Dear Younger Monica,

Here you are, thirteen years old and so much ahead of you! You have started seventh grade with quite a bit of trepidation…who are you and what is your place in this vast world? You have friends who are confident and bold, but you are reserved and more laid-back. Your dream is to become a wonderful ballerina and dance on stage – to feel the exhilaration of performing something that you love and to bring joy to others. The problem is, you’re really not cut out to be a dancer. Your ankles are too weak for pointe shoes and you are not flexible. Sorry – truth hurts. I don’t think mom wanted to say anything to you, for fear she’d hurt your feelings, but I’m sure she would have encouraged other pursuits if you hadn’t been so passionate about ballet, and of course wanting to do what everyone else was doing.

Now listen, I know that dancing brought you great joy and you had lots of fun performing, but do you remember the first time you ran hurdles in gym class? Or the 50-yard dash that you ran in mere seconds? Do you remember the thrill of the high-jump and practicing over and over again? Try out for the track team! Maybe I’m telling you this because when you are 38, you’ll have just completed your first half marathon and loved it, or maybe it’s because I know what else you could have been passionate about.

Be yourself! Look for talents and passions that bring YOU joy. Don’t worry so much about what your friends will think of you. I think part of you didn’t want to stand out – to be different than everyone else around you. But guess what? It’s okay to shine sometimes! It’s okay to be the one that people marvel about. It is okay to do something different and unexpected. Just always remember that you are the best you and no one else can be who you are meant to be. A copy is never as good as the original – don’t try to be what you are not. You don’t need to be the best at everything, just do the best that you can do. Be grateful for talents you have been given and cultivate them.

You are going to have a wonderful life full of experiences you cannot even fathom right now. Jump in with both feet! Be bold, be brave, be yourself!

Love,

The Older (and Wiser) Monica

Anon in the US

2009-05-25T07:46:00.000-07:00

Dear Me at Fifteen,
All of that day dreaming you do while you run at night will come true. You will be married to an amazing man, who is strong, loving, protective, educated, successful, wealthy, handsome, and comes from a wonderful family. You will have two gorgeous, adorable sons, ages 4 and 2 months. Both of them have smiles that light up the room, and they adore you and your husband. The 4 year old runs to “Daddy” in the middle of the night when he is scared, and crawls into bed with you in the morning to cuddle. You guys are very devoted parents, totally in love with each other, and when you walk through the front doors of your big, beautiful home you can actually feel the peace.
That career you always wanted, you got- you graduated from a top law school, and are a successful lawyer with a top law firm, and get this, you work out of your home, and only work part-time, and you draw a six figure salary. Even your financial planner is openly envious of your professional success.
All of your loved ones are alive and well, and you are actually incredibly close with your older sister believe it or not! You talk everyday on the phone, and she is your 4 year old’s favorite aunt. You and your mom are also very close. You love, respect, and appreciate each other, and you actually inherited her warmth and hospitality and strong sense of morality. You too are now known for your own famous chocolate chip cookie. Your Dad is so proud of who you’ve become and you are married to the exact guy he wanted for you. Your parents are wonderful grandparents.
You are blessed with too many friends to count, and will even remain close with the pack you run around with now. You are surrounded by so many people who love you, all of whom helped you pick up the pieces when your life was completely torn apart.
That’s right. Unfortunately, you will not be exempt from life’s challenges. You will marry your first love against your better judgment, and he will divorce you when your first son is only one year old. He will continue to torment you and resent you for the great life you built for you and your first son and do whatever he can to interfere with your happiness. Get ready for some really, really, dark days.
But here’s the twist. Without that horrible thorn in your side, you won’t experience true suffering, which will lead you to great faith, which will give you great hope, which will give you that beautiful life you are dreaming about right now.
So don’t cry too many tears during the next fifteen years when you go through all that pain, because that experience will end up being the thorns on the stem of the most beautiful rose God could ever give to his daughter.
Love, Me at Thirty.
P.S. Invest in EBAY!!

Submission information

2009-05-24T08:04:00.000-07:00

Like what you've read? Join us, the letter writing itself is an incredible experience. Here are some guidelines to help you with writing and submitting:

-Your younger self can mean 6 or 16 or 46! There are no rules about how old the recipient of your letter should be-just younger and in need of your older and wiser perspective.

-Pick a specific moment in your history to write about. For example, the day you left for college, the night of your first break up, a moment you said no when you wished you said yes…the more context you can put around your advice the better.

-Don’t feel pressure to be profound! The best advice is usually simple!

-Funny advice is just as welcome as serious advice. If you really think your teenage self should have ditched the blue eye shadow (paging teenage me!), tell her!

-Be genuine and be honest. It’s OK to admit that you weren’t always as smart and put together as you are now.

-Keep it focused. Remember that other people will be reading so make sure details and background are truly relevant

-Length is up to you. But short and sweet is advice I would give to MY young self.

-Invite your friends. We want as many letters as possible so please pass this opportunity along!

Submission

Please send your letters to katieclifford AT gmail DOT com. You can attach a word document or just lay it into your email.

Letters will then be posted to the Dear Me website at http://dearbabyme.blogspot.com/. I will inform you when your letter has been posted.

Dear Me

2009-05-10T07:23:00.000-07:00

We all know the old adage "listen to your elders" right? Well what if those elders were actually you? Dear Me is a project in which women write letters of advice to younger versions of themselves at crucial points in their personal histories.

If you want to participate, please leave a comment with your contact information and we'll send you more information.