You are just finishing up your summer internship. In a little over two weeks you will be starting your second year of your MBA program. You started packing tonight and reflecting on your life. You started to think about the wedding you called off three years ago and how your life today is so different then you thought it would be then. Then, you thought you'd be married and, at this point, probably well on your way to having baby number two. Such is not the case. The truth is, you have no idea when or even if you'll get married. Sometimes this makes you feel very...lonely. Don't feel bad about that. It's okay to feel lonely every once in a while. The good news is, you aren't bitter. Make sure you don't ever become bitter.
You need to look back at your life on a regular basis. You have been through some very hard things. You lost your mom. You don't exactly have a great relationship with your dad, although it's better than it was. You have struggled with your weight and how you feel about it for a very long time. You walked away from a marriage...a marriage you wanted so badly...but you knew it wasn't the right one.
In looking back on all of the hard decisions you've had to make, at all of the hard things you've had to live through, at all the stupid mistakes you’ve made, you need to realize and always remember that you really like who you are today. In fact, you love you. You love who you are becoming. You know that this is a process. You have finally realized that you are never going to feel like you've arrived, but that's not a bad thing. Along the way to becoming, you can see so many amazing milestones; milestones that only exist because you did hard things. Never lose sight of that.
Life will keep going...and it will throw you curve balls. I can't see into the future, but I can tell you this because this is the way it is supposed to work. You are going to have make decisions and most of these will not be decisions between right and wrong. In fact, they will often not be between good and better. Believe in your ability to choose. Believe in the mind that God gave you and in the lessons you have learned throughout your life. The truth is, you can't have it all. This life was designed that way. And you are finally starting to see that. Just like not arriving is not a bad thing, not having it all is not a bad thing either. You will learn how to prioritize. You will learn where your values are; not necessarily on a moral level (those are what they are and, hopefully, will not change), but on a personal preference level. Decisions require sacrifice...otherwise, what is there to decide? But know, that in giving up one thing, you will gain something else. That's the nature of life.
More than anything, I want you to remember how you feel right now, in this moment. You have worked your tail off this summer and the people you are working with have noticed. You have great friends and you are a great friend. You aren't perfect, and neither are they, but you are all doing the best you can (which somedays is much better than others) and they value you as much as you value them. And today, you can feel that. Your family is not perfect, but they are yours and they love you. And today, you know that everything is going to workout, despite all of your mistakes and misjudgments. Today, you know that you are going to be fine. Don't let go of that feeling. And on that day in the very near future when you start to question, when you start to doubt that, remember that where there is fear, there can’t be faith. Remember, as your mom constantly reminded you, it always works out. Always.
Love and rockets,
Your biggest cheerleader