Dear 25 year old me,
Right now you are a nervous wreck. It is 3 am, and in your arms you are holding a beautiful little baby girl, just days old. She is crying, and so are you because you don’t know what to do. I think you’ve probably slept an average of maybe 3 hours a night in the past 4 days. You knew it would be hard, you knew you would be sleep deprived, but you had no idea what that all meant for your mental state. You’ve heard about post-partum depression, but you never thought it would happen to you. You love that baby girl with all your heart, but right now you are angry. Angry that she won’t sleep. Angry that your husband gets to sleep because you are nursing and that’s the only way you can calm her down. Angry that you are so depressed and you don’t know how to break the cycle.
A mere 5 years from now you will have not 1, but 2 beautiful children and another on the way. Motherhood will still be stressful and difficult, but will also be the greatest adventure and source of joy in your life.
I know you don’t want to talk to the doctor about your problems right now, but you need to. What you think you can handle on your own, you cannot. You need medical help. Your sweet husband can only do so much, and this is taking it’s toll on him too. Please get help. It’s okay to admit you need it. Don’t pretend to have it all together, it doesn’t mean you are weak or that you are not a good mother. What you don’t realize right now is that if you don’t get help it will take much longer to get over this than you think. Trust me, I learned the hard way. That sweet little girl you hold in your arms deserves a happy mother. Do all that you can to give her that.
In 5 years that little baby will be a beautiful little girl. She loves and adores you and looks up to you so much. She will be smart and kind and obedient and the two of you will be closer than you could imagine. She will be more than you could ever hope for. Do her and yourself a favor and get the help you need. You can do this! You are stronger than you know.