Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Marissa in Boston

Dear childhood me,

There's something I've always wanted to tell you.

Don't you worry about a thing, little girl. Everything is gonna to be just fine.

I think deep down you do kinda know that. It's the "here and now" that aren't so fine for you. You know how you've always felt like you didn't quite fit in with the other kids? Well, honey, there's a part of you that will always feel that way. But you will learn to work with that reality. That part of you that is sensitive and quiet? Right now you think it only means you are weird and awkward, but you'll learn it also means you have an amazing ability to see things in people that others just can't. Do you love a little deeper than most? Yes, and that hurts, I know. But you also get the upside of the deeper love, which is, of course, deeper love.

Babycakes. I wish I could tell you that life was going to stop hurting. But it won't. You just aren't made that way. And later on, when you feel like you need to go on antidepressants? Please don't waste your energy feeling like a failure about it. You just go ahead and do what you need to do. You won't be on them forever. And speaking of college, don't even waste a moment wondering if the next guy you date will be "that guy" for you. He's not, and ah, the adventures you would miss if he were.

And I'll give you a hint (though I really hate to ruin the surprise): he's nothing like what you expect.

Little me, you are OK. You are beautiful. You are so smart! And funny! And just because you tend to befriend girls who overshadow you doesn't mean you are, in reality, less than they are. In fact, I'd say that just about 100% of the time, you are so much better equipped for life, for marriage, for motherhood than those friends of yours with all the attention.

Don't waste energy on judgment. It has never suited you, and it never will. Just be and let be. You will be so happy. There is marriage and motherhood lying before you, and those two things will be more than you hoped they would be. At every point in life be sure to leave your heart open to love in all its forms, and though that will inevitably cause you some pain, your life will be so full that you will never for one second wonder if you are loved. And one day you will be following your crawling little baby around the house and be completely undone by the abundance in your life.

There will be plenty of love to go around. So much laughter and so much love.

It's gonna be fantastic.


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