Dear 20 year old me –
I know you feel like you are drowning. The last year has been one of the most difficult years of your life. I know you’ll never forget the day that you learned she was gone. It doesn’t seem right, it just doesn’t seem fair. Nineteen year old girls are not supposed to die. Nineteen year old girls that are beautiful and vivacious and filled with so much life shouldn’t have their stories splashed all over Unsolved Mysteries. She was your friend and you miss her.
I know you feel unsafe. I know you are angry with God and struggling with your faith. I know you are being reckless and making bad choices. I know your heart is breaking after falling in love with the wrong person, and knowing that you need to let that person go. It feels like everything around you is heartache, and you are struggling to see any light at the end of the tunnel.
I want you to know there is light at the end of the tunnel – and so much hope. You are angry with God – and that is okay. God is big enough to take your anger, and as a very wise man is going to tell you, your anger is encouraging because it means there is a relationship there (you can’t mad at someone you believe doesn’t exist…right?). You have some pretty fantastic friends, and they will help you get through this dark time in your life. You are going to come out of this with a faith that is pretty amazing – as a matter of fact (I don’t want to scare you or anything) but your faith will eventually influence your career choices, and you will absolutely love your job.
Eventually they will solve this case, and justice will be served – and you will find that although you will never forget, you will be able to forgive. This will be key in your healing process. In addition, you will know how important it is to stay connected to those people who are important to you, so you never have any regrets. There will even be new social networking tools that will help you do this ( and drain a lot of your time) in the future! : )
As for the boy, you will spend a lot of time worrying about this and this particular relationship. Believe me the sooner you can let it go the happier you will be. God has great things in store for you – including a much healthier relationship and some pretty terrific kids, but you have to be open to it – and that means getting rid of all the other relationship stuff you are holding onto first. Believe me you won’t be sorry!
Take care, I’m looking forward to what the future holds for both of us,
Me at 34