Monday, June 15, 2009

Letter to Michelle in MA at age 21 from age 33

Dear younger me,

Don't worry that you didn't get into vet school. I know you've been planning for it your whole life, well at least since your were 5 years old, and you don't know what to do now. Everything you have done as a teenager and young-adult has been in preparation to become a veterinarian and now you wonder about all of this wasted effort. You've been crying and angry and depressed. But, you have recently written in your journal that you said a prayer asking God to be in control of the admissions boards so that if you aren't meant to go, you won't make the wrong decision.
It's funny that you are even thinking that it is a "decision to make" after all you've done to prepare. It's strange you are even thinking that you "aren't meant to go" after it has been your perceived destiny for your whole life. You have quickly forgotten that you said that prayer and you have completely ignored that it was answered. Good thing you wrote it down. Your 33 year-old self read your journal the other day and couldn't believe what she read. She had totally forgotten about it too, but now that 12 years have passed, she knows exactly why you are receiving the rejection and waiting list letters. Don't be tempted to go for that waiting list application. Let it go. You're supposed to be with David and if you go to vet school, you won't be with him. He'll slip through your life and become a boyfriend of the past, and you'll never know what it is you were really supposed to do. God knew you wouldn't make the right decision if you got the acceptance letter. He would have let you make it, but, you asked Him to intervene. He did. You asked Him for help. He helped you. Your answer was NO. Getting that answer really sucks, but you'll get over it. And, you'll even be glad for it later.
The first years of your marriage are going to be rough. You'll wonder if you've made the right decision. You and David have so many differences to work out. You'll watch your little sister, your best friend, move away and you'll think your world has ended. You'll wait 6 years to have kids. THIS is the RIGHT decision. You need this time to figure out your relationship with David before your attention is completely focused on little ones. But, your reward for the right decisions is coming.
By age 33, you will have two little DARLING girls. They are better than anything you could dream of; they are better than horses, better than sisters, better than best friends. I know you've actually never had "being a mommy" on your list of "must-do" things in your life, but it will be the coolest thing you ever do and you won't believe how much you like doing it. It will also be the hardest thing you ever do and you won't believe you have what it takes. But, you do. You'll appreciate everything in life more because of it. You have no idea what kind of guy David is until you see him be a Daddy. But, trust me, you picked the right one. He is the best Daddy you could ever hope to have for your little girls. He is your new best friend. He is your rock. You have forged such a common goal in life after almost 12 years of marriage that you hardly ever disagree anymore and a big fight is extremely rare. Your sisters, all of them, are also your best friends, and although lots of moving has happened, and you don't live close to any of them anymore, they are always right there. Life is good. Don't fear. Things work out. All those years of vet school preparation weren't wasted either. You spent your time doing things you loved and you will continue to do so. I see you, right now, in your concert t-shirt with your long hair in 2 braids coming to David's house to show him your rejection letters. Cry on David's shoulder for a while about your letters, but then, let it go. And, stay with him.


1 comment:

  1. The last two sentences were so powerful they brought this rush of emotions to my...eyes...I admit it. It made me cry.